Harming Yourself
by CenaRKO1986
Summary: JOHN CENA IS GOING THROUGH SOME HARD TIMES HE IS DEPRESSED AND HAS STARTED HARMING HIMSELF WILL SOMEONE COME ALONG AND HELP HIM? M/M SLASH CONTAINS SELF HARM.
1. The Beggining

HARMING YOURSELF

John Cena stumbled down the hotel corridor he was drunk out of his mind he had just spent the night at the hotel bar drinking away his misery. He was in the middle of a divorce but he had other things or other people on his mind. He made it to outside of his door and fumbled around in his pockets for his hotel key. He couldn't find it he got aggravated and slumped down to the floor with his head on his knees silently crying.

"John?" Evan Bourne asked John looked up his eyes swollen and red and puffy from crying John wiped his face free from tears. "hey Evan" John said trying to lighten the mood. "hey are you ok?" Evan asked John nodded "yeah I just cant find my key to get in" John said gesturing to the hotel room he was sat in front of. "ok….let me go get Randy for you ok" Evan said and started to walk away. John sighed "no Evan I don't want you to get him I'm fine I am not useless without him ok just leave me alone" John said Evan frowned John looked so broken.

"John I cant leave you alone come on you can crash on the other bed in my room ok?" John shrugged and nodded. He got up and went to Evan's room with him he got undressed and slipped straight into bed. Hours later John woke up feeling worse than he was before he went to sleep. He walked into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet after locking the door. He searched through Evan's things and found what he was looking for. He pulled out the razor blade and pressed it to his skin on his wrists slowly slicing his skin open he felt better already he felt relived that he could actually feel something.

He made a few more cuts on his left wrist before going to work on his right. Once he felt he had done enough he cleaned up his cuts and wrapped them in a bandage he found in Evan's toiletries bag. He splashed his face with some water before venturing back out into the bedroom where he fell asleep feeling much better feeling at peace with himself. The next morning he woke up to sounds of someone moving around he groaned he had a splitting headache he didn't want to get up and face the world he really didn't.

He sat up and threw his legs over the side of the bed. "Morning how are you feeling?" Evan asked John groaned "like hell but thanks for letting me stay here Evan" John said he got up and started getting dressed. "no problem…are you sure you're gonna be ok John?" John shrugged "I guess but I wont know until I live right so I'll see you later at the arena ok?" Evan nodded and watched John walk away he couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with the older man. He walked into the bathroom and was shocked to see the blood drops and the razor blade sitting on the counter he needed to talk to Randy right away.

John slowly made his way to his room. He went over to his luggage and pulled out some jeans and a long sleeved shirt so he could hide his cuts before jumping in the shower loving the feeling of the piping hot water cascading over his back relieving his aches and pains. He got out and dressed he grabbed his phone, key card and wallet before going down stairs for some food. He got down there and ordered some pancakes and a pot of coffee. He sat down enjoying being alone for a while. He pulled out two of his tablet for his mental disorder he had bipolar disorder he wasn't manic but when he was sad he tended to go into deep depression which brought on anger and his self harm issues.

He was sitting there eating when one of his closest friends Adam Copeland sat down with his lover Chris Jericho. John wasn't close to Jericho but dealt with him in a friendly manner non the less. "hey John how are you?" Adam asked John shrugged "I'm good just hungry" John said as he began eating again. The sleeves of his shirt slightly rose and Adam saw the bandages he quickly turned to Chris. "babe could you go get me a muffin and an OJ please?" Adam asked Chris grinned and left.

"what the hell were you thinking?" Adam asked John looked at him "what the hell are you going on about Copeland?" John asked "that" Adam said showing John his bandages. "what about it?" John said he didn't think it was that big of a deal. "John what the hell are you doing to yourself every week I see you with a new bandage on and you look more and more depressed are you taking your meds?" Adam asked John glared "yes I am I'm not an idiot so just leave me alone if I feel like disfiguring my body I'll fucking do it" John snapped he finished his coffee and left to go for a nap before Raw that night. He got back to his room and went straight to sleep.

Meanwhile Evan was on his way to see Randy why you ask? Randy and John had been friends for ten years he was the only one Evan thought would be able to talk to John about everything. He got to the room and knocked. Surprised when he saw Cody Rhodes open the door in a towel only. "hey Ev what's up?" Cody asked Evan sighed "hey Codes is Randy here? I really need to talk to him about something" Evan asked Cody nodded "yeah he's just through there" Evan nodded and walked over to Randy and sat down across from him.

"can I help you with something Bourne?" Randy asked Evan felt nervous in the viper's presence "uh yeah it's about John" Evan said Randy sat up at the mention of his best friend. "what is it?" Randy asked. "last night I found him out side of his hotel room crying he was drunk he couldn't find his key card so he came back to mine and slept in the spare bed…..anyway this morning after he left I went to have a shower I saw on the bathroom counter these blood drops and a razor blade with blood on it I think he cut himself" Randy sighed he didn't know John was back to harming himself it was all his fault.

A year ago they were together. But Randy got married so he left John alone without so much as a goodbye. That was when John found out he had bipolar. He and John had spoken since then as friends but the other night John walked in on Randy and Cody fucking in the locker room. Randy saw in John's eyes helplessness and heartbreak. He caught up with John and they talked Randy had told John that he meant nothing to him and that he was just a piece of ass but he was his best friend. John didn't take that so well and he took off on one of his binges.

Randy sighed and started thinking about what to do he had no idea how to help John or anything. "thanks for telling me Bourne but don't say anything to anybody else I'll see what John's issue is when I see him later ok?" Evan nodded and left he wanted to help John he just didn't know how. John woke up mid afternoon he had something to eat and then left for the arena he needed to get in a workout and he preferred to do that when no one was around he just wanted to be on his own. He kept getting a feeling like someone was staring at him _most likely Adam _John thought. He continued his work out and had a shower and dressed for the show he was glad that his wrist bands seemed to cover his bandages so he was home free knowing no one would ask him about them.

He walked out of his locker room and into the catering area he grabbed a bottle of water and was about to drink when he was dragged by his hand into another room. "sit your ass down" Randy growled John smirked "growling wont work on me Orton you know that" John said he reached into his pocket and pulled out his pills and swallowed 2. Randy watched his every move. "at least I know you're taking your pills" Randy commented John shrugged "why wouldn't I?" John asked "show me your wrists" Randy demanded John looked away "screw you Orton why the hell do you wanna see my wrists for?" John asked "just fucking do it" John sighed "you lost that right when I caught you fucking Rhodes in this fucking room the other day" John spat "John I may not be your lover but I am still your friend your best friend" John scoffed "you haven't been that since that day a year ago when you got married so fuck you" John growled as he stormed out of the room.

John stormed down the corridor throwing and kicking things about he made it into his locker room and locked the door sliding down the door crying it hurt too much to see Randy and have a conversation with him. John sat there crying until it was time for his match he went out there and beat Chris. He came back from the ring and had a quick shower and left he wanted to get to the hotel and drink away his problems. Once at the hotel he dropped his bag off in his room and ventured down to the bar where the night was just beginning he ordered some shots and a beer and sat down in the corner drinking alone.

He was having a nice time sitting alone when he saw Randy, Cody, Adam and Chris walk in. he lowered his hat hoping they wouldn't spot him the last thing he needed was Orton and Copeland's eyes on him judging him and on top of that he didn't want to see Cody and Randy going at it. "Cena" Ted Dibiase greeted him John nodded at him "what's up Ted?" John asked "I hate seeing them together it hurts" Ted said John sighed he didn't want to be having a heart to heart talk with anyone right now. "sorry so how did you guys end?" John asked "he broke up with me saying it was too hard with him not being liked by my family and having to hide" John looked confused "but it's the same thing with Orton do you really think Randy would leave his wife and daughter for him?" John said Ted nodded "I know he just didn't want me and couldn't come up with a better reason that's all. He will get hurt and I wont be there to get him through it." John nodded.

"I'm sure there's someone out there for you Ted you just have to have some fun have some one night stands for a while get your groove back you know?" John asked Ted nodded "yeah I guess…so are you seeing anyone?" Ted asked John shook his head "no and I don't want to be I'm going through my divorce it's bad enough having to deal with that and now I have this match against show at Judgement day" John said "yeah me and Codes have to interfere with Randy's match" John nodded "is it hard being in Legacy with the two of them like that?" John asked gesturing to Randy and Cody who were nearly sitting on each other. "yeah so about this one night stand wanna be my first?" Ted asked John shrugged and nodded "sure why not but lets drink first yeah?" John asked Ted nodded.

John got up and ordered some shots and a beer each for him and Ted. He was waiting for them to come when Randy and Adam sat on either side of him "can I help the two of you?" John asked "yeah we need to have a proper talk us three" John sighed "what about?" John asked "you hurting yourself and drinking yourself into oblivion" JOhn scoffed "why do you care Orton I know Adam does he's my friend but you don't you and Rhodes have somewhere else to be?" John spat Randy sighed he was losing John as a friend and he really didn't want that. "look I get your worried but I'm fine ok just leave me alone to do what I feel is necessary for me to be happy….now if you'll excuse me I need to get back to Ted" John said he grabbed the drinks and walked back over to Ted.

After drinking for another hour or two John and Ted went back to Ted's room John never took anyone back to his room that was his personal space. Clothes were discarded and John was straddling Punk's hips and leaning down he stared kissing Ted's jaw line he was kissing and nipping at Ted's jaw loving the feeling of Ted's stubble against his smooth face. John moved his kisses and nips and licks to Ted's neck. John moved to Ted's collarbone gently biting at it getting a moan in response from Ted John continued his assault on the collarbone. John moved down Ted's body to his nipples and sucked and nipped at each one giving each the same attention. "Fuck John" Ted groaned.

John smiled and licked his way down to Ted's belly button first circling it with his tongue and then tongue fucking it for all it's worth. Ted bucked his hips up wanting the attention to be on his cock. John smiled and went lower running his tongue from the base to the tip of Ted's cock loving the feel of the hairless groin. John started swirling his tongue around the hardened member slowly licking at the mushroom head before taking Ted's whole cock into his mouth deep throating him. Ted was still bucking his hips even though John was deep throating him he wanted more needed more of John "oh shit John...Oh fuck yeah baby work that hot mouth of yours." Ted moaned John moaned around Ted's member causing the vibration to be felt throughout Ted's body.

John could feel Ted was close to coming so he removed Ted's hardened member from his mouth and crawled up his body and kissed Ted for all he was worth. John leaned into Ted's neck and started kissing him softly. "Shit John are you going to fuck me tonight or what?" Ted asked impatiently. John chuckled "get on your hands and knees" John ordered Ted did what was asked and started moving his ass around to tempt John even more. "You're such a fuckin tease Ted." John said as he slicked up his fingers with some lube. "Yeah well do something about it then." Ted prodded. "Don't push me just don't." John said. Ted just laughed his laugh was cut off by John entering his ass with two fingers immediately John started moving his fingers around and scissoring them trying to stretch Ted.

"Fuck your ass is suffocating my fucking fingers." John said Ted just laughed "well wait until your entire cock is seethed into that tight hole." Ted teased. John kept fucking Ted with his fingers and Ted was writhing like little whore. "Oh shit not enough get in me now John please I want you so fucking baaaaad." Ted moaned as he said bad John swiftly entered him filling Ted up with his juicy cock. "Shit Ted you are soooooo fucking tight your ass is suffocating me." John moaned Ted was matching John's thrust with his own hip movements. John was fully seethed in Ted's ass and every time he would enter he would hit Ted's prostate dead on causing Ted to scream like a banshee.

"Fuck me John …fuck me harder." Ted pleaded John did what Ted asked and started pounding into Ted harder and at a furious pace. John was getting closer and closer with every thrust. "So close baby." John moaned into Ted's ear Ted nodded "me too touch me please Johnny touch me." Ted moaned John reached around and grabbed hold of Ted's erection and started to stroke him in time with his hard forceful thrusts Ted was in heaven he had never felt so fucking good before. "oh fuck John soooooo fucking close babe…oooohhhhh" Ted moaned John was still pumping Ted's cock and slamming into Ted's ass he was close he could feel it in his gut. "Oooooooohhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiit" John yelled as he came inside Ted's tight tunnel. Ted still hadn't come so John kept fisting his hard member. "Come for me Ted come all over my hands so I can lick my fingers clean and taste you come for me." John whispered into Ted's ear. Those words brought around Ted's climax. "Ooohhh FUUUUUUUCK." Ted groaned as he spilled his seed all over John's hand and the bed sheets below him. Both men collapsed onto the bed John pulling his limp cock out of Ted.

John got up and cleaned them both up before getting up and getting dressed he placed a sweet kiss on Ted's lips before leaving the room and going back to his own. Once there he emptied the bar fridge and drank again even fucking Ted didn't take his mind off the sadness and depression and anger he felt towards Randy and his divorce. He got undressed and went to sleep after taking his pills. He hoped in the morning things would feel better or he was going to have to make himself feel better.

**What do you think? Please review.**


	2. Please Dont Die

HARMING YOURSELF CHAPTER 2

When John got up in the morning he had a slitting headache and a hangover to boot he took some Tylenol and his bipolar pills before jumping into the shower. He dressed in some jeans and a shirt he also took off his bandages his cut marks were starting to scar and that's what he liked seeing it they reminded him on the pain and pleasure that comes with what he does.

He packed his things up he was going back home to Missouri where he lived. He was pretty much a part of the Orton family since his family disowned him for being gay even though he was married at the time. He went and checked out and then went to grab a light breakfast at the hotel café. He ordered some toast, fruit and coffee and sat down silently hoping he would be left alone. "John can I talk to you for a second" Cody asked John groaned he really did not want to talk to this fuckng brat right now.

"What is it Cody" John asked "uh I saw you and Ted last night what was that about?" Cody asked "not that it's any of your business but he just wanted someone to talk to about everything going on with him right now" John said "like what?" John glared "about you two breaking up and with work and his family stuff that is going on" John said "did he tell you why we broke up?" Cody asked John nodded "yeah he said you couldn't handle being a secret anymore…you know they found out his family that is and they aren't speaking to him anymore but like you'd care right?" John asked "I'm sorry he's hurting but I am happy with Randy" John scoffed "you know what Codes that's great I'm glad Randy has someone to love him but do you really think he would leave Sam and Alana for you?" John asked "no but I don't want him to" John sighed "well why did you tell Ted you didn't wanna be a secret when you know being with Randy you'll be an even bigger secret?" John asked.

Cody got upset and walked away John was satisfied he got his point across. He went back to his food thinking about what he was going to do when he got home. He knew he had to go to the store and stock up on everything especially the booze. But he also knew he had to go see Randy's parents he had always had to do that when he went home even though he didn't wanna see Randy at all right now or ever. "what the hell did you say to Codes?" Randy asked as he sat in front of John glaring. "the truth" John said "look John if you're so miserable why don't you do something about it" John laughed "maybe because every time I do you and everyone else get on me about hurting myself" Johns said "I didn't mean do that I meant go out and find someone new to fall for let them into your heart" John glared "don't you know Randy I have no heart and it's your fault so fuck off asshole" John spat and went to catch a cab to the airport so he could go home already.

Once back at his house John unpacked and did the washing and some other chores like paying the bills and everything. He then went to the store to stock up on things he had his cart filled with alcohol of different varieties. He turned around and bumped into someone. "sorry" John apologized "hey John" John looked up and saw it was Evan John smiled lightly "hey Evan what's up you doing your shopping too?" John asked Evan blushed he had always had a crush on the older man. "yeah are you having a party or something?" Evan asked John shook his head "no just stocking up for a few months" John said "listen Evan I wanna say a proper thank you for letting me crash at your room the other night so why don't we go have dinner tonight?" John asked "really?" John chuckled and nodded "sure" Evan grinned "that sounds great" John nodded "good so I'll see you tonight at Appleby's at eight ok?" Evan nodded and they both went their separate ways.

John finished his shopping and decided to go for a run he wound up at Nathan Orton's house. He knocked and was let in my Nathan he walked in and saw Nathan with his friends. John smiled Nathan was way cooler and easier to talk to than Randy. "hey Jay" Nathan said it was obvious to John that he was high. "hey Nate" John greeted "John this is Adam, Tony and Justin" John nodded and greeted them all. Nate passed him a joint and John started smoking it. "that feels so good" John said Nate grinned and noticed John's scars on his wrists. "you been at it again?" John nodded "yeah and your fuckin brother wont leave me alone about it he just doesn't understand" John said "no he just doesn't want to you know him John if it doesn't involve him directly he couldn't care less if he tried he is a selfish asshole you should know that by now since you were fucking him" John nodded.

"he's fucking Cody now" John said Nathan laughed loudly "oh my god what the hell is he thinking he goes from you to that fucking brat" John shrugged "yeah I don't really care though" John said "don't lie that's why you did that am I right?" John nodded "it's cool Jay it's how you deal with things you do that and get drunk I get stoned" John laughed "are you heading over to your parents later? I have to go your brother texted me about it" John said Nathan got up and checked his phone "yeah but if I were you I'd cover them up before mom and dad see them" John nodded and shook Nathans hand and left for his own house.

John got home and showered then changed into some shorts and a shirt then he added some sweat bands to cover his wrists. He got in his car and drove over to the Orton's. he got there and got out looking his car and walked inside he never had to knock he walked into the kitchen and got himself a beer before going outside where everyone was waiting he was surprised to see Nate already there. John sat down as far away from Randy as possible he picked up Alana and started talking to her about how she was and what she had been doing. "John I wanted to invite you over for dinner tonight" Sam said John sighed "thanks for the offer Sammie but I already have plans" John said Randy was intrigued. "oh yeah what plans?" Sam asked "oh I'm just going out to dinner with Evan I saw him at the store earlier today so we decided to catch up with each other" John said they nodded and stopped talking about it.

"so Bourne huh?" Randy asked John nodded "yeah is that an issue with you Randy?" John asked "no I just think you should take it easy you cant bring someone else into your issues John it's not fair to them" John nodded knowing Randy was right "I know but I like him ok I just need someone he doesn't know anything about me I mean everyone I know knows what I have been through in my life with my dad and brothers I just like the feeling I get when I am with him he makes me feel like a normal person" John said Randy nodded "ok but don't tell him everything yet just get to know him first ok?" John nodded "yeah I know thanks for the talk Rand" John said he patted him on the back and went back outside.

After spending a few hours with the Orton's John headed home to start to get ready for his dinner with Evan he was about o step into the shower when the door rang John sighed and answered it shocked to see his sister Stacey on the other side. "hey Stace what are you doing here?" John asked "nothing I just needed to get away from Boston I seriously hate that place" John groaned "why what happened?" John asked "Trish happened she is a whore she screwed around on me and ended up pregnant and then she says she did it for me" John scoffed "what a slut you should move on" John said Stacey looked miserable "look Stace you can crash here but I have plans tonight I need to go get ready ok?" Stacy nodded and let John leave.

He showered and dressed in some nice Jeans and a blue buttoned shirt he added his watch and dog tags and grabbed his keys, phone and wallet and left for Appleby's where he was meeting Evan. He go there and found Evan sitting there with his glasses on he looked cute. "hey Ev sorry I'm late my sister showed up unexpectedly" John said Evan smiled "it's fine John so how was the rest of your day?" Evan asked "good I met up with the Orton's and just hung out there for a few hours" John said Evan nodded "what about you?" John asked "oh I just did some stuff around the house and visited my mom and dad" John nodded "are you close to them?" John asked "yeah" John nodded the waitress came by and both men ordered the seafood pasta with a beer.

"so are you close to your sister?" Evan asked "yeah but she still lives in Boston she just arrived here her girlfriend cheated on her and got pregnant so I guess she just left without another word to anyone about it" John said Evan nodded "so what about you Ev tell me about your family" John asked "well there's my mom and dad and then I have a brother Mike he wants to be a wrestler too he is in FCW right now working with Brett Ted's brother" John nodded "so are you close with Ted?" John asked Evan nodded "yeah he and Miz are two of my best friends what about you?" John shrugged "well Randy and Adam are my best friends but lately they have been annoying me they are getting to nosy for me" John said Evan laughed.

"what about your family?" Evan asked "well I get along with my mom and my sister but my brothers and my dad hate the fact that I'm gay and they can get really nasty and rude about it that's why I don't really go and visit them much it's just annoying listening to them" John said Evan nodded. "I'm sorry about that I was lucky my parents and brother are fine with it" John nodded "that's good Ev" John said "so have you dated anyone from the company?" John asked "yeah I was with Jack Swagger for a few months but it didn't work out other than that some one night stands here and there but nothing more you?" John nodded "well I have slept with Ted but I was drunk and so was he it was just a one night stand but there was someone I was with for a year but he ended it because he was getting married it still hurts to this day but I try and get over it" John said Evan nodded.

"you wanna tell me who?" John shook his head "no it's better if I didn't say anything he has moved on so now I have to try and do the same even though it's hard I mean I haven't been on a date in over a year it's weird" Evan smiled "you're doing great" John smiled and blushed a little. "I heard you were married" John nodded "yeah that was a disaster we had been together for over twelve years but it just didn't work out all she cared about was the money never about me and I caught her cheating so I filed for divorce it's still on going but it should be fine shortly" John said Evan nodded.

They finished their food and headed to their cars. "I had a really nice time tonight John we should do it again" Evan said John grinned and pulled Evan closer and pressed his lips to the smaller mans in a soft lingering kiss. "definitely call me" John said and got into his car and drove away. John got home and changed into some sweats and sat down he took his pills but he wasn't feeling happy he was pissed off he should be feeling great he just had a great night with Evan but he still felt miserable he didn't feel loved he felt like nothing in his life was working right now.

He walked into his bathroom and pulled out his blade and lifted his pants and started slicing at his thighs he made five incisions on each thigh he felt at ease when he saw the blood running down his legs. He cleaned up the cuts and bandaged them before falling asleep. Over the next few days John was back into his old ways he was cutting on nearly a daily basis and was drinking more than he should when he got to the hotel on Sunday night he was hungover but that didn't stop him from going down to the bar and drinking a whole bottle of JD.

He was feeling fine until he spotted Randy and Cody walk into the bar he didn't need to see them right now he got up and stumbled his way through the halls he texted Evan to come to his room he went into the bathroom and started cutting at every part of his body just to feel something finally he passed out.

Evan smiled when he got John's text he really liked him he got to the room and frowned when he saw the door open. "John?" Evan called he didn't see him he then went into the bathroom and was shocked he ran over to the passed out and bleeding John and pulled out his phone and called and ambulance he then tried to get John to wake up. "Johnny come on open them blue eyes" Evan cried it wasn't working "John please, please don't die I cant bare it if you die please baby" Evan sobbed. Finally the EMT's arrived and placed John on a stretcher and headed off to the nearest Hospital Evan was in the ambulance with him holding his hand.

"we need a next of kin" one of the emt's said Evan nodded and called Randy. "yeah?" Randy answered "Randy it's Evan" Evan answered "what is it Bourne?" Randy asked not pleased about being interrupted in the middle of fucking Cody "it's John I went to his hotel room and he was passed out on the floor and bleeding he is at memorial hospital and they need you" Evan cried Randy got up and dressed "I'll be right there ok" Evan said a sobbed ok and hung up the phone and sat n the waiting room. Randy raced into the waiting room and over to Evan "have they said anything yet?" Randy asked Evan shook his head "no they wont say anything to me" Evan said.

Randy sighed and walked over to the nurses station "hi I'm Randy Orton I am John Cena's next of kin" Randy said the nurse smiled "I'll let the doctors know" Randy nodded and sat down "why would he do that Randy?" Evan asked "he has been doing it for years now he stopped for a while but now he has started up again" Randy said Evan was shocked he always thought John was so happy and vibrant. "Mr Orton?" the doctor asked Randy stood up "hi doc how is he?" Randy asked "he is still being looked after we just need some information on him" Randy nodded "what is his blood type?" the doctor asked "B-" Randy answered "does he have any other illnesses we should know about?" the doctor asked "he has bipolar but has been taking his meds so I don't think there is anything else you should know" Randy said the doctor nodded. "thank you we will let you know how John is soon" the doctor said Randy nodded and sat back down net to Evan.

He felt so guilty he thought about everything that John has been going through and Randy couldn't care less he was so engrossed in his own life he didn't notice John slipping away this was the worse it has ever been John had never been rushed to the hospital he needed to know why John would cut himself so much what happened tonight that would make him take a blade to him like a butcher was it his fault?

**Will John be ok? Find out next chapter please review…..**


	3. Telling Evan The Truth

HARMING YOURSLEF CHAPTER THREE

An hour later and Evan and Randy still hadn't been informed of John's condition. "hi are you the family of John Cena?" the doctor asked Randy and Evan got up "yeah how is he doc?" Randy asked "he is stable we have patched up his cuts and pumped his stomach he was excessively drunk if you hadn't got to him when you did he would be dead." the doctor said Evan was shocked "so what's gonna happen?" Randy asked "well he will be here for the night then he will be released by law he has to see a professional who deals with self harm issues but other than that he is free to go" the doctor said. "can we see him?" Evan asked "actually he asked that no one would be allowed in to visit him and I am gonna agree with him he has some issues he needs to work on himself before he lets anyone else into his mind" the doctor said and walked away.

"at least he's ok" Evan said Randy sighed "Evan look I don't know you but I can tell you like John a lot so I am gonna warn you get out don't get any deeper with him do you think he is going to stop? He wont trust me he may not be able to help hurting himself but don't let him hurt you too. He wont physically hurt you but with his mental state he wont be what you need" Randy said and walked away. Evan sat there thinking he didn't know what to do on one hand he really liked John but could he really handle being with someone who did this to themselves for no reason. He wanted to understand why John did these things but if Randy didn't know what chances has Evan got?

The next day John was discharged so he left the hospital and went back to the hotel alone he didn't want to see anyone they had raw that night and he was going to be getting beaten by Show for a promo for Judgement day. He got to the arena and decided to stay in his locker room he didn't want to see anyone he liked being alone the only person he wanted and needed to see is Evan he needed to apologize and tell him what was going on. He decided to wait until after raw to call him hopefully the high flyer would want to see him.

John got up and went over for an interview about his match with Paul at Judgement day he talked some trash and left to go back to his room. He sat in there for a while when the door opened and in strolled Randy and Adam. He rolled his eyes he didn't wanna deal with them right now. "can we talk?" Adam asked John shrugged "yeah but I don't guarantee I'll listen" John said Randy groaned it was like pulling teeth with John. "wanna tell us why you did what you did?" Adam asked "no reason I was miserable and drunk I started off just cutting on my wrists but I got more and more angry and I just couldn't stop" John said "what were you angry about?" Randy asked "I saw you and Cody being all in love and it pissed me off" John said "John you know I had to end things with you it wouldn't be fair to Sam if I ddnt" John nodded "yeah but how is being with Rhodes being fair to her now?" John asked Randy had no answer.

There was a knock on the door "on in five Cena" John nodded and left the room. "what do we do every time he see's me and Codes is he going to butcher himself?" Randy asked Adam shrugged "I don't know but it's not just that something else is going on with him and we need to find out what it is before it's too late" Adam said Randy nodded they wanted to help their best friend. After his match John went to see the trainer his ribs were still killing him from the searchlight incident from Backlash. He got some pain pills and went for a shower then headed back to the hotel he took his meds and sat down.

He pulled out his phone and dialled a number he was hoping they would pick up but if he didn't he couldn't really blame them. _"hello?" _they answered "hey Evan it's Cena" John spoke he heard Evan sigh on the other end "look Evan I really need to see you to talk to you about something but if you never wanna see me again it's fine but I need to tell you some things." John said Evan sighed _"fine I'll meet you at the bar in ten minutes" _John smiled and hung up. John got up and headed down to the bar to talk to Evan.

John got to the bar and got himself a beer and sat down waiting for Evan. He showed up a minute later. "hey" Evan greeted John smiled "hey wanna drink?" JOhn asked "no thanks" John nodded "look Evan I'm sorry about the other day you shouldn't of had to see me like that" John said Evan nodded "I was so scared John when I walked in and saw you like that I thought you were dead and it scared me I didn't want to loose you even though we have only been on one date I didn't want you to die" John nodded "I know and I am sorry" Evan nodded "so how are you feeling "I'm fine I feel better" John said "why did you do it?" Evan asked "sometimes when I get angry the only way to make myself calm down is this pleasurable pain I get from cutting I know it probably doesn't make sense to you but it's the truth" John said Evan nodded.

"have you sorted out your therapist?" Evan asked John nodded "yeah she works in Missouri so when I go home I have my appointments I'm kinda scared about going to them" John admitted "why?" Evan asked "because she's gonna ask about my past and that's not something I ever wanna talk abut especially when it comes to my father" John admitted Evan nodded "I think you'll do fine I can take you if you want just to be there for moral support" John smiled "yeah that's sound great" John said Evan nodded and smiled.

The next day John headed home he got there and sorted out his washing and then relaxed his sister was still staying with him. He went to look for her but couldn't find her so he gave up and went for a nice swim he was enjoying his time alone it was so refreshing. After his swim he showered and ordered some food and relaxed for the rest of the night he finally felt good for the first time in a year he didn't have the urge to start cutting himself.

He slept in the net day he knew Evan would be there shortly to take him to his appointment he was not looking forward to that he was dreading it really bad. He had a light breakfast and left when Evan got there. Evan could tell he was nervous but he kept silent thnking that was what John needed right now. They got to the offices and John walked in alone and signed in he was getting more nervous by the second he hated therapists they were so annoying and sometimes judgemental.

A few minutes later and John was called into an office he didn't know what doctor he was supposed to be seeing and he didn't care he didn't want to be there period. He was fidgeting while he was waiting finally the doctor came in "hi John I'm Dr. Sydney Wells and I will be your therapist for as long as your work requirs me" John nodded "lets get started shall we?" she asked John swallowed hard let the healing begin….

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	4. Therapy Session

HARMING YOURSELF CHAPTER FOUR

John sat there fidgeting he was uncomfortable to say the least. "ok so how about we start with your childhood. Tell me about your family" Sydney asked. "well there's my mom, dad and four brothers Steve, Matt, Sean and Dan and my sister Stacy" John said Sydney nodded "are you close to them?" Sydney asked John shrugged "I guess" John told her Sydney sighed this was going to be a hard nut to crack when it came to John Cena.

"John I know you may be uncomfortable but I need you to open up to me" John sighed and nodded "fine" John said "I'm closest with Stacy we have always been close out of all of my siblings" John admitted Sydney nodded. "well why do you think you are close to her?" Sydney asked "well I have always protected her I guess and we have more in common with each other than anybody else" John told her.

"was there a time in your childhood where you weren't happy?" Sydney asked John nodded "everyday I spent with my father" John said Sydney frowned "why was that?" John sighed he hated talking about his father. "he was an asshole to me he loved my brothers and Stacy but I was the outcast." John said.

"ok tell me what he ahs done or said to you" John nodded "well he used to say that I was going to amount to nothing that I was useless and that I should just kill myself." John said Sydney gasped he never thought John would have gone through that. "he used to beat me daily with his fists or with a belt or with weapons" John revealed. "and he only ever did this with you?" Sydney asked "yeah it was only me I got used to it, sometimes it was worse after he and my mom divorced it got worse he started drinking and he got more angry and violent" John said.

John was starting to get upset now this was the first time in years he had ever spoken about his father and what happened in his childhood. The last time he did was when he told Randy about everything. "ok was that all he ever did just verbally and physically abusing you nothing else?" Sydney asked John sighed he didn't want to say it out loud what his father did to him not even his family or Randy knew about this part.

"one night he got overly drunk he came home and I was the only one there I was in bed and he came in and beat me then he….he uh…he raped me" John revealed he was crying softly now. "okay John you can go we will pick up on this tomorrow" Sydney said John nodded "ok thanks" John said he wiped his eyes and walked outside and into the car.

Evan glanced at John and saw the tear tracks on his face. "are you alright?" John looked over "yeah can you go to the pharmacy I need to refill my pills" John said lying he needed to get some more blades. Evan nodded "sure give me the script and I will get it for you" John sighed "no I have to get it, it has to be me I have to prove my identity" John said Evan eyed him but nodded.

They got to the pharmacy and John jumped out he went inside and headed for the razor section he got some blades and went up the counter and got some Tylenol and refilled his script. He paid for it and went back to the car he hid his blades in his pants pocket before arriving and getting in the car. "do you wanna grab some lunch and then head to a park and eat or something?" Evan asked John smiled "sure how about some subway?" John suggested Evan nodded and drove to the nearest subway.

They both ordered a meatball sub each with a lemonade and some fries and headed to the nearest park. "so how was the appointment?" Evan asked "fine but I don't wanna talk about it right now" John said Evan nodded "I think we should go out to a club tonight we can meet up with some people" John nodded and smiled "it sounds great" John said Evan smiled and nodded.

"so your sister is staying with you huh?" Evan asked John nodded "yeah she is staying for a while her girlfriend cheated on her and ended up pregnant so she just needed to get away" Evan nodded "youre a good brother John" John nodded "yeah I guess so, I bet youre a good brother too" John said Evan blushed. "well we should get you home and then I will pick you up tonight for tonight at the club ok" John nodded they got up and put the rubbish in the bin and John went over to Evan and caressed his face before closing the gap and kissing Evan painterly tasting the essence of the high flyer. They pulled apart and went home.

John walked into his house and grabbed a beer and knocked it back straight away he went up to his room and put away his pills and Tylenol. He went to his bathroom and sat on the toliet and looked at the blades he didn't know whether he should be doing this right now he pulled out a blade and turned out his wrist. He grabbed he placed the blade against his wrist he ran the blade across his wrist and watched as the skin tared and blood started oozing he made a few more marks and then did the same on the other wrist. He cleaned them up then bandaged himself up and went for a nap feeling a little better but not much he kept having flashbacks of his childhood and it was making him nuts.

When he woke up from his nap it was five in the afternoon. He got up and ordered some food and sat down to eat. He ate his food and relaxed for a fe hours before getting up and showering then dressing in a tight white shirt with his black jeans and white sneakers he picked up his phone, walet and keys and headed out the door where he saw Evan pulling in. he got in the car and saw that Adam and Chris were with him. He greeted them and sat in silence all the way to the club.

They go there and jOhn ordered a bottle of Jack Daniels and sat down drinking. "so what did you do after I dropped you off?" Evan asked John smiled at Evan he was so hot and sexy. "just had a nap and relaxed what did you do?" John asked "nothing much just idd some erands and stuff." John nodded "wanna dance Ev?" John asked Evan grinned and jumped up excitedly and dragged John to the floor by his wrists John hissed because the grip was starting to hurt his cuts.

They got out onto the floor and started dancing and smiling and talking with each other and then John spun Evan around and started grinding up against him. Evan was enjoying the friction. John's hands were all over Evan's body John leaned forward and started nibbling and licking at Evan's neck making Evan moan loudly. Evan turned around and grabbed John by his neck and smashed their lips together in a heated passionate kiss. John moaned into the kiss as Evan took control.

They broke apart at the need for air. "bathroom now" Evan demanded John nodded and Evan dragged him into the men's bathroom and into an empty stall where he locked the door behind them. John slammed Evan up against the wall and kissed him hard his hands were groping his ass. "god I want you Ev" John whispered Evan moaned "I want that too so fucking much" Evan said back to him. John grinned and went in for the kill attacking Evan's neck ferociously. He bit down hard making Evan hiss.

John smirked and tugged Evan's shirt off of him and Evan did the same to John. John latched onto one of Evan's nipples sucking on it then did the same to the other one. Evan gasped John's tongue was glorious he was thinking of how it would feel if that tongue was on his cock not his nipple he almost came at the thought. John roamed his hands all over Evan's torso and made his way to Evan's belt he kissed Evan again. Whilst kissing John undid Evan's belt and popped his jean buttons and tugged down his zipper.

Evan wiggled and his jeans dropped John looked down. "commando huh?" John smirked Evan grinned "yeah I was kinda hoping something like this would happen" Evan said blushing John smiled and stroked Evan a few times with his soft hands Evan got impatient and rid John of his jeans he wasn't wearing any underwear either Evan chuckled "great minds think alike huh baby?" Evan asked John nodded and leaned in and kissed Evan softly and slow.

"fuck me John" Evan pleaded John nodded and stuck his fingers into Evan's mouth Evan sucked on John's fingers coating them in his saliva. Once they were coated enough John lifted Evan up and Evan wrapped his legs around John's waist while gripping onto his broad shoulders. John circled his pucker and slowly inserted his finger into Evan's tight passage.

Evan gasped as he felt John's finger inside of him it felt so nice and that was only a finger. 'if his finger feels so good I cant wait for his glorious cock' Evan thought John pulled out his finger and went back in with two and started stretching Evan out "holy fuck!" Evan screamed when John hit his prostate. John grinned happy he could make Evan scream like that. "hurry up John I need you now" John smiled and angled his cock at Evan's tight hole.

"need me?" John asked "yes so so so bad" Evan moaned as John entered him a little "tell me what you want me to do baby" John said Evan whined he wanted John in him already. "I want you to take your fucking cock and shove it up my ass and fuck me like you have never fucked anyone before" Evan demanded John nodded "if that's what you want" John said and drove into Evan hard and deep. Evan groaned and screamed out at the penetration of John's hard cock.

John started moving in and out of Evan at a medium pace making Evan squirm in pleasure Evan's nails were raking at John's back scratching him up. "harder fuck me harder" Evan demanded John smiled and fucked Evan harder and faster "fuck Ev you're so tight it feels so good" John groaned into Evan's ear. "you feel so nice youre all the way inside of me I can feel you it feels so fucking good" Evan moaned John got harder and harder and kissed Evan passionately Evan felt his orgasm coming. "so close John oh god I'm gonna…..Fuuuuuck!" Evan screamed as he came all over his chest and John's.

John was still fucking him. "come for me I want you to come for me Johnny" Evan whispered into his ear "god Ev…oh wholly shiiiit!" John called out as he filled Evan with his pearly white seed. They got their breathing under control and John pulled out of Evan and let him down on the floor softly John pulled up his pants and fell to the floor. Evan pulled his pants up and sat net to John. John turned away he was crying. Evan got concerned "hey baby what is wrong?" Evan asked John sighed "it felt so nice I was so fucking happy just then Evan it felt right" John admitted Evan frowned "why is that making you upset?" Evan asked "I don't deserve you Evan you should be with someone who isnt fucked up in the head" John said he kissed him one last time "thank you for everything but I need to go I'll see you whenever" John said and got up and walked out.

Evan was confused did John just break up with him? He had to fi this he just had to he wanted to be with John he was funny, caring, loving compassionate, charismatic and loveable he had to fi this and he had to get Adam to help he wasn't going to go to Randy again. The fact was that he wanted to help John in any way possible because ehe was falling in love with the Champ.

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	5. Therapy & Talking With Randy

HARMING YOURSELF CHAPTER 5

When John got home he started drinking to forget about everything. He knew he shouldn't have left Evan sitting in the bathroom but he couldn't bring Evan into his drama too may people were involved as it is and he didn't want Evan to know some of the things that were going on in his life. He ended up passed out on his bed.

The next morning Randy was picking him up for his next session. He really didn't want to go but he had no choice Randy had told him if he didn't go he would tell his parents about what John has been doing and he didn't want that. He had a shower and dressed and waited for Randy to pick him up once Randy was there he left. "so what did you do last night?" Randy asked "went out to a club with Evan" John said "yeah did you have fun?" Randy asked "I guess I don't know" John said Randy looked him over "when did you do those" Randy asked pointing to John's bandaged wrists. "yesterday" John said "why?" Randy asked "I wasn't feeling good" John said "bullshit tell me the real reason?" Randy demanded "I had to talk about some tough things in my session it made me miserable and angry so I just cut myself to feel better ok" John told him.

"what did you have to talk about?" Randy asked "my dad" John said Randy nodded "ok look John I know I fucked up with you but I need you to know I love you like a brother and you mean a lot to me so please talk to me if you need to" John nodded "sure" John muttered. They got to the office and John signed in and waited he was called a few minutes later and he walked into the office and sat down on the couch.

Sydney walked in and sat down across from him. "ok John how are you today?" Sydney asked "fine a little hungover" John said she nodded. "ok so we left off yesterday after the revelation of the sexual abuse done by your father directed at you what happened after that?" John sighed "the same thing he never raped me again but he would still assault me physically and mentally so I started going to the gym" John said "so I take it you went to the gym as a way of coping with what your father was doing?" Sydney asked John nodded "yeah" Sydney nodded.

"ok how did you get away from your father?" Sydney asked "we got into an argument one day and I beat the hell out of him I packed my things and left and moved to California where I started body building and then I became a wrestler that was when I met Randy." John said. "so who is Randy?" John sighed "he is my best friend he is like a brother to me his parents are like parents to me I love them" John said Sydney nodded.

"so I know you were recently hospitalised for self harm tell me about that?" Sydney urged "uh I cut myself to feel alive it calms me down I have done it for years it just makes me feel better I went over board the other day and that was why I was hospitalised but usually it's just a few cuts here and there that's all" John said Sydney nodded "are you still doing it?" Sydney asked John nodded "yep" John said Sydney frowned. "when was the first time you cut yourself?" Sydney asked "after my sexual abuse from my dad I have been doing it on and off since I was sixteen." John said Sydney was shocked that was along time.

"ok now I want you to talk to me about your past relationships like intimate relationships maybe there is something there as to why you are harming yourself ok?" John nodded "well I was married but got divorced we had been together on and off for 12 years she was a high school sweetheart." John said he hated talking or even thinking of Liz. "ok so why the divorce if you had been off and on?" Sydney asked "well I caught her cheating and I know she had done it before but I finally had enough so I divorced her ass" John spat Sydney was taken back by his tone of voice.

"I then went out with a co worker his name was Jeff" John said "so you are bi then?" Sydney asked John nodded "yeah we were together for a few months but he had his own problems and all we used to do was argue and have sex it wasn't a good relationship." John said "can you tell me about his problems remember all of this is confidential. "ok well he was a drug user he used prescription drugs to illegal drugs anything and everything he was on. Because of that I go onto his prescription drugs and became addicted but I got help and I am fine now." John said.

"so why did you and Jeff break up?" John sighed "he was hooked on his drugs and he got jealous because I was getting a push for the championship at work and he wasn't and he hated me for it like it was my fault so he blamed me for why he was the way he was and finally I had enough of his pitty party and left him I haven't seen him since." John said "do you think deep down you believe that it was your fault he was the way he was?" Sydney asked "I guess I haven't really thought about it to be honest" John said she nodded and wrote down some notes.

"is there anyone else you need to tell me about?" Sydney asked "a year ago I was with Randy we were together we were sleeping together no one knows about it but me, Randy and Randy's brother. Well one day he announced he was getting married so he dumped me without so much as a goodbye or thanks for everything he just dumped me like I was scum I guess that was when I first found out I had bipolar and shit just got worse from there" John said Sydney nodded.

"do you deal with having bipolar well?" Sydney asked "I guess so I take my pills and everything so I am doing ok sometimes I wish I was normal I see the way people at work look at me like I am a crazy freak because of it I guess that's why I do what I do to myself it's like an escape so I can feel something other than shame." John said. Sydney nodded. "ok John I would like to see you in a few days and I want you to bring Randy in with you we need to resolve your anger and hatred towards him and get him to explain what he was thinking ok?" John nodded and left the office he felt good after talking about everything.

He left the office and got in the car with Randy. "so how was it?" Randy asked "good I feel better after this session but she wants you to come in with me next session so we can talk is that ok?" John asked worried Randy would say no "it's fine when is it?" Randy asked "when we get back from the road next" John told him Randy nodded and peeled out of the driveway. "wanna go get some food?" Randy asked John nodded so Randy went to a little dinner and they sat to eat.

John just sat in his seat thinking about Evan and wondering if he did the right thing. "Rand did you mean it when you said I could talk to you about anything?" John asked eating a chip. "yeah anything" John nodded "last night at the club me and Evan slept together" John said Randy felt uncomfortable he still thought of John as his. "ok" Randy said John sighed "afterwards I started crying and I left him there telling him he deserved better than me who is so screwed up did I do the right thing?" John asked.

Randy shifted uncomfortably "look Jay one part of me is saying you're an idiot for doing that you can see Evan really likes you and you like him just as much but then there is a part of me saying it's not nice to bring someone else into your issues you know?" John nodded "I know but I feel happy with him he treats me as if I am just John Cena not the psycho Cena that all the boys see me as" John said. "no one thinks of you like that" John scoffed "yes they do they think I am some crazy person because I have bipolar and Evan he see's past that and it makes me happy" John said Randy shrugged "then maybe you should talk to him or your therapist about it I know he is going to want an explanation about what you did on Monday just tell him the truth" John sighed "what is the truth?" John asked sadly.

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	6. Being With Evan Again

HARMING YOURSELF CHAPTER 6

On Monday John just kept to himself for the entire day he hadnt cut himself since the last time at least that was good he had been spending a lot of time with Nate back in Missouri. He got to the arena and hid out in his locker room he just wanted to do his things and go back to the hotel. He hadn't seen or heard from Evan since the night he left him in the bathroom. His match was next so he got up and headed to the gorilla.

He watched as Natalya beat Layla in a quick match. "John can we please talk?" Evan asked as he sat next to him. "I cant Evan I have a match" John said "what about after tonight maybe we could go for dinner and talk?" John sighed he didn't know what to do "sure but don't blame me if you don't like what I have to say" John said before he made his way out to the ring. "did you ask him?" Adam asked Evan they had spoken about John and how they both equally wanted to help him.

"yeah he agreed but I don't think he really wants to go out with me what did I do wrong?" Evan asked "hey what are you two talking about?" Randy asked as he joined them. "John" Adam said Evan sighed he didn't want Randy knowing. "what about him?" Randy asked "Evan wants to help him so they are going out to dinner tonight" Adam said Randy rolled his eyes why couldn't they just leave him be. "good luck but knowing John he cant be helped unless he wants it" Randy said.

"I don't care Orton I like him and I want to help him so fuck you why don't you go and fuck Cody" Evan snapped Adam was shocked at how he spoke to Randy. Randy growled "what the fuck did you just say to me Bourne?" Randy hissed "nothing but it's like you don't care about him at all" Evan said Randy glared "I care about him more than any of you so don't you dare tell me that I don't care you have no idea" Randy spat and walked away. "Evan I don't think you should have done that" Adam said "I don't care the only person I care about right now is John and helping him" Evan said Adam shrugged and left Evan alone.

After his match John went and had a shower before going to the hotel and changing for his dinner with Evan he still wasn't sure if he should be going he was slightly concerned about Randy when he saw him after his match he was in a pissed off mood which was worrying but Randy ignored him so John figured he'd leave him alone. After changing he headed down to the lobby where he was meeting Evan.

Evan met up with John a few minutes later and they left for the local diner. They got there and sat down then ordered their food. John sat there fiddling with the napkins. Evan reached over and grabbed his hands trying to calm the older man. "Relax John I'm not here to hound you I just wanna talk ok?" John nodded there food was delivered a minute later. "so you wanna tell me what all that shit was the other night when you left me half naked in a bathroom stall?" Evan asked "I told you Evan . Look you deserve someone better than me someone who isn't a wreck or a loose cannon" John said.

"don't you think that is a decision I should make?" Evan asked "no because you don't know what you're getting into Evan" John said "tell me then" John sighed "fine it will be constant arguments tears sex will be in there I haven't had a decent relationship ever I don't know how to be a good boyfriend are you sure you can deal with a bi polar boyfriend who drinks to be numb and who cuts himself to make sure he feels something?" John asked "I know I can look John I like you a lot please just try this with me?" Evan asked "what if….what if I hurt you physically sometimes I cant control myself can you handle that?" John asked Evan smiled "I know I can" John nodded. "fine we can try this but don't say I didn't warn you" John said.

They finished their food and went back to the hotel for a few drinks with Evan's friends which were Mike, Alex, Jack and Phil. Phil was drinking soda. "so are you two together now?" Mike asked Evan grinned and took hold of John's hand "yeah we are" Evan said "so you had a pretty good match tonight Mike" John complemented "thanks man I know me and Jomo are going to get a push soon for the tag titles" John grinned "that's good I'm sure I can help you out maybe even get an angle for us two it would be good working with you" John said Mike was speechless. "really? Awesome" John nodded.

Evan was glad that John and his friends were getting along maybe it would help John get over some of his issues. "babe you wanna go upstairs?" Evan asked rubbing John through his jeans John and Evan paid the bill and headed up stairs. Once In the elevator John pinned Evan against the wall and attacked his lips with his own. Evan moaned into the kiss and wrapped his arms around John's neck bringing him closer. They broke apart and John kissed down Evan's jaw down to his neck Evan wrapped his legs around John's waist as John's hands wandered to grope his tight ass.

"fuck I want you Evan so fucking bad" John whispered as his licked around the shell of Evan's ear. "you can have me any way you want" Evan replied. The elevator stopped the pulled apart and ran to Evan's room and locked the door. Once inside they rid each other of their clothes and John tackled Evan to the bed.

John covered Evan's body with his own groping and kissing over the exposed flesh Evan was writhing beneath him John's touches were like he was on fire they had a connection he never thought he could ever have with anyone else. John kissed his way over Evan's chest licking and biting the flesh leaving marks on Evan's torso. Evan gasped when he felt John's mouth start sucking on his nipple. "oh god Johnny" Evan moaned John smirked and moved to the other nipple and slowly mad his way down kissing and licking his flesh.

He came to Evan's naval and he started sucking and tongue fucking the flesh making Evan groan beneath him. "please John" Evan begged "what? What is it that you want?" John asked licking at Evan's thighs. John's hands were ghosting over Evan's hard on. "want your mouth on me Johnny" Evan begged John shrugged and licked at Evan's penis tasting Evan's essence on his tongue he slowly took all of Evan into his mouth sucking slow and hard. Evan gasped when he felt his cock hit the back of John's throat. John started moving his head bobbing up and down on Evan's cock. Evan was meeting John's actions move for move thrusting up into John's mouth.

John didn't gag once he was used to it when he was with Randy. "oh fuck John keep going" Evan moaned John kept sucking while he had Evan distracted he slowly pushed two fingers into Evan's tight heat making Evan buck off the bed in pleasure his senses were going crazy John's mouth and fingers were driving him wild. John pulled away from Evan cock and leaned up to kiss him. "wanna fuck you do you want that?" John asked voice husky with lust and want for the man below him. Evan nodded "yes I want you to fuck me" John smirked and slammed into Evan forcefully making Evan arch off the bed in wanton abandonment.

John grinned at the action glad he could give Evan the best pleasure. "oh fuck….fuck me harder faster anything John please" Evan begged John grinned and slammed into Evan harder and faster each time hitting Evan's special little nub and making the smaller man cry out. "oh fuuuuuck!" Evan screamed "god damn you feel so fucking nice Evan" John groaned out Evan smiled and wrapped his legs around John's waist making John go deeper and deeper.

"so close Jay gonna cum fuck you're gonna make me shiiiiit, fuuuuck!" Evan screamed as he came all over his hand and chest John thrusted a few more times before "Evaaaaaan!" John screamed as he filled Evan with his seed. John collapsed on top of Evan and quickly rolled off panting and trying to get his breath back. "that was WOW" Evan commented John nodded and pulled Evan closer "I know it has never been like that with anyone before" John said Evan smiled and kissed John as he saw John fall asleep he smiled and snuggled closer to him "I love you John" Evan whispered and John didn't hear as he was already asleep.

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	7. A Day Out

HARMING YOURSELF CHAPTER 7

John woke up the next morning and smiled when he saw Evan laying there he pulled the smaller man closer to him and kissed his forehead softly. Evan started waking up he yawned and smiled when he saw John staring at him. John smiled and kissed Evan softly not giving a damn about morning breath. "morning did you sleep well?" John asked Evan smiled "yeah I had a really nice sleep you?" John nodded "yeah I had a great sleep having you here with me it sounds stupid but it made me feel safe" John said blushing a little. "why would it sound stupid?" Evan asked "because I am a six foot 240 pound man I should be able to feel safe on my own" John said.

Evan smiled "hey everyone needs to feel safe you know and I'm glad you feel safe with me it means a lot for the record I have never felt more safe than when I am with you" John smiled "yeah it makes me feel a little better" John said and stretched he sat up. "I'm going to go shower ok?" John asked Evan nodded and watched a naked John Cena enter the bathroom.

John was washing when he felt two small arms wrap around him he smiled and turned to see Evan standing there he bent forward and brushed his lips against Evan's. Evan opened his mouth up for John and John took the chance and shoved his tongue into Evan's mouth both men's tongues working together in a great rhythm. Evan pulled John closer and hugged the life out of him it made him feel calm to be in John's arms. He reached down and started playing with John. John gasped when he felt Evan's hands on his man hood. He reciprocated and took hold of Evan's own hardened member and started to stroke him.

"feels good" John muttered Evan grinned and thrusted into John's hands as John was thrusting into Evan's "fuck Johnny nearly there" John nodded and stroked Evan harder and faster bringing on his orgasm Evan came screaming John's name and Cumming all over John's hand. John kept thrusting into Evan's hand "oh fuuuuuck" John moaned as he came all over Evan. They both looked at each other and smiled before sealing the moment in a searing kiss. They washed and got out of the shower and dressed. "do you wanna go grab some food down stairs?" Evan asked John nodded "sure sounds like fun I just need to grab something from my room" John said John went and grabbed his pills and left with Evan.

They got downstairs and filled their plates up with everything they wanted John could see Randy, Cody, Adam and Chris wanting him to sit with them he ignored them and sat with Mike, Alex, Jack and Phil. "morning guys" Mike greeted John smiled "hey I have a meeting with Steph today and I'm going to mention a little feud for us she should go for it" John said Mike grinned "that would be awesome" John nodded he pulled out his pills and put two in his mouth and swallowed them down with his juice he could feel everyone apart from Evan staring at him.

He sighed and was about to leave when Evan grabbed his hand. John looked into Evan's eyes they were pleading for him to stay John sighed and nodded and started eating his food. "so you take pills" Phil said he didn't like drug users. John nodded he knew what Phil was thinking. "Phil don't" Evan said "no he is taking pills right in front of me Evan that is wrong" John sighed "I have to take them they're prescription drugs for my disorder" John said "what disorder?" Mike asked "you don't know?" John asked shocked he thought everyone knew about his problem. "nope I have no idea" Mike said "I have bi polar if I don't take them I'll go crazy" John said he got up and walked and sat with his friends.

"thanks a lot guys seriously Phil keep your opinions to yourself" Evan spat once John was gone. "we're sorry Ev we had no idea will he be ok?" Alex asked "I don't know I have to keep an eye on him though" Evan said they nodded they felt bad about what happened. "are you alright John?" Cody asked John nodded "I'm fine they just didn't know about my bi polar and Phil started going on about me taking pills and shit but I am ok" John said even though he felt miserable about it. "well why don't we go out and do something today all of us?" Randy suggested "like what?" John asked "I don't know go to the amusement park" Cody said John nodded "yeah sounds like fun" John said they all got up. "can..uh Evan come?" John asked Randy rolled his eyes Adam nudged him "of course he can John we'll be out front" John nodded and went to go get Evan.

John walked over to the table and bent down to Evan "hey me and my friends are going to the amusement park I wanted to know if you wanna come?" John asked Evan smiled brightly "I'd love too lets go" John smiled and took Evan's hand. Evan waved bye to his friends and they left. They met up with John's friends and got in the car Evan and Randy glaring at each other. They got to the park and John and Evan went over to the games section and started playing. "win me a bear pleeeeeeaaaaase Johnny" Evan whined John smiled and nodded and went over to the strongest man contest and won a blue bear for Evan. Evan smiled and gave John a huge kiss as a reward for winning.

"I should win you stuff more often if that what I get for doing it" John said Evan smiled and held hands with John and they went over to other games and had a great time. They finished playing and went to meet everyone for lunch they got a hot dog each and sat down. "it's not funny John he totally freaked me out" John laughed even more everyone looked at him as if he was a nutter. "Ev it was a clown how can that scare you?" John asked Evan pouted "he was a freaky clown and clowns are scary you ever seen the movie 'IT' that is one scary ass clown movie" Evan said shuddering at the thought of the movie. "no and now I don't wanna see it I hate horror movies anyway they freak me out" John said.

"what's your least favorite?" Evan asked "scream" John, Randy and Adam said at the same time they knew John very well. Evan chuckled "why scream?" Evan asked "he hates the mask it freaks him out he hates them that's the one horror movie he cant see even though we try all the time" Adam said Randy nodded in agreement "he's just a pussy" Randy said John smirked "says the guy who cant sit through Texas Chainsaw Massacre" John said Randy growled "seriously what guy goes around killing people taking their faces off and putting them on himself that's nuts" Randy exclaimed John laughed. "this day has been one of the best days I've had in a while I really needed it thanks guys" John said Adam and Randy smiled "no worries Jay we're glad you're happy we should continue it till tonight go for dinner and then some club" Randy said John smiled "sounds like a good Idea but I don't wanna drink tonight but we can still go" John said they nodded.

They finished their food and went back to the hotel to relax for a few hours and change after having a nap John had a quick shower and was in his towel in the bathroom he got out and looked at himself in the mirror he took his pills. He looked down to the bathroom counter and saw his blades he didn't know what to do he felt fine but there was always the temptation. "don't do it" John heard he turned to see Evan standing there in black Jeans and a red affliction shirt. John smiled he looked good.

"what Ev?" John asked Evan walked in and took the blades out of John's hands. "don't do this don't cut yourself" Evan said pleading John with his eyes John nodded "ok I wasn't going to anyway I was just thinking the temptation is always there but I wasn't going to use it tonight" John said Evan smiled he was glad John had some sense. "thankyou I just didn't want you to use it tonight especially after you had a good day today" John nodded and left the bathroom he changed into his dark jeans and Green affliction shirt he put on some black sneakers, dog tags and his watch grabbed his phone, wallet and key card and took Evan's hand and went to meet with his friends for dinner.

They met their friends downstairs and caught a cab to a nice restaurant where they ordered the food John ordered a seafood linguini with a coke, Evan ordered the chicken parmigiana with a beer, Cody ordered the chicken cacciatore with a beer, Adam ordered the steak medium with a roasted vegetables and a beer as did Chris and Randy ordered the steak, chips and salad with a beer. "so what is everyone going to be up to this week when they go home?" Cody asked "well me and John have our family picnic thing" Randy said John nodded "yeah and I have my session with the councilor" John said "oh that's right I have to come right?" Randy asked John nodded "yeah she says we have things to talk about" John said.

"Evan was shocked why would John's councilor want to see Randy something wasn't quite right there. "well me and Chris have our own family things to attend" Adam said "yeah and I am gonna catch up with Dustin to see how he is" Cody said "what about you Ev?" John asked "nothing really just relaxing probably go see my parents and hang out with Mike and Alex" John nodded their food arrived and they started eating.

"so Rand how is Al doing?" Adam asked "really good she is starting to do ballet soon Sammy really wants her to do something like she does so she is having fun" John smiled thinking of his god daughter. "isn't it her birthday soon?" Chris asked Randy grinned "yea she will be three I am so sad and happy at the same time I cant believe she will be three" John laughed "she looks like you did when you were a baby though." John said Randy smiled proudly.

John looked to see Cody looked miserable while they were talking about Sam and Alanna but John had warned him about it Randy would never leave Sam for him unless Sam did something really bad like cheating which John never thought possible Sam was the sweetest person you would ever meet. They finished their food and caught a cab to the club. John noticed Evan was being a little off so he pulled him outside while he was having a smoke.

"why are we out here?" Evan asked he hated smokers even though John looked hot doing it. "Evan what's wrong?" John asked "what do you mean?" Evan asked "what's wrong? you've been very quiet tonight as soon as we started dinner is something bothering you?" John asked Evan was usually so out there but he was being quiet and guarded and it was freaking John out. "nothings wrong really" John sighed he hated liars "fine lie to me but know this I don't put up with liars I hate them" John spat and walked inside the club Evan sighed now John was upset he had to sort this out.

Evan walked inside and dragged John into a bathroom stall John looked confused "I'm not fucking you Evan sex wont make this all better trust me" John said Evan rolled his eyes "I'm not here for that I'm sorry I lied but I was upset that your councilor wants to see Randy and not me" John sighed "Ev its because I haven't spoken about you think about it we only got together this week and me and Randy have a shit load of history she just wants to speak to him about being my friend and our issues" John said Evan sighed in relief "ok I'm sorry I was just a little jealous I guess" John smiled "it's ok your kinda hot when jealous" John purred Evan blushed "really now you gonna do anything about it?" Evan asked John grinned "when we're back at the hotel" John teased and brushed his lips with Evan's softly.

Please review and give ideas I am open to them…..


	8. Evan Gets Caught

HARMING YOURSELF CHAPTER 8

The next day John woke up and stretched he smiled when he saw Evan laying next to him last night was a great night and he was finally happy for once. Today they had a house show so he quietly got out of bed and headed to his room where he showered and dressed and went down stairs for some food. he Filled his plate up and sat down he took his pills and started eating. "Hey John" Mike said John smiled at him "mind if I join you?" Mike asked John shook his head "I talked to Stephanie she said we have an angle we will have some promos and then two matches one right after the other one will be at the bash and the net one will be when Batista hosts Raw" John nodded.

"sounds good we should work out the bash match soon I have to work with show today for our match at extreme rules" John said "do you know the result for that one?" Mike asked "not really but I wouldn't see me giving up seeing as though my motto is never give up" John said Mike laughed. "seriously though thanks this should do great things for me in the future I really appreciate it" John nodded "it's fine that's what our jobs are. To push you younger guys so that when we're gone you are able to take the company further." John told him Mike nodded.

"hey guys" it was Cody John smiled at him. "hey Codes what's up?" Mike asked "nothing much just bored really" John nodded "don't you have to figure out everything for extreme rules with Orton today?" John asked "yeah I hate working with Batista he is so grabby but Randy seems to get along with him" John nodded "he's loosing this one right but gets it back the next night on Raw?" John asked "yeah how did you know?" Cody asked "just do plus there will be a surprise on the raw something not even Randy knows but I was told about it" John said "well what is it?" Cody asked "cant say thanks for the chat mike I'll see you later at the arena, bye Codes" John said and left.

John went straight to his room and packed his things up he was leaving as soon as the house show was over. He was in the bathroom packing his things when there was a knock on the door he opened it and John smiled it was Adam and Randy. "hey guys make yourselves comfy" John said he went back into the bathroom and packed his things he threw his blades out they weren't allowed on the plane. "what's up?" John asked "nothing we were just wondering if you wanted to grab some food?" Adam asked "I already ate" John said they nodded.

"so where's Evan?" Randy asked John sensed some bitterness in Randy's voice. "in his room I guess I haven't spoken to him this morning I had breakfast with Mike and I was joined by Codes" John said "so you working on the match with show today?" Adam asked John nodded and zipped up his suit case "yeah we need to figure out how I am gonna lock the STF on him" John said "what about you two?" John asked "me I'm working with Jeff on our ladder match" Adam said "should be a good match" John commented "I'm working with Batista I don't know what else we are doing." John nodded and smirked he knew what was happening on Raw the night after Extreme Rules.

John finished packing and left for the arena he had to get a work out in before he even thought about working on the match with show. He got there and worked with show for about an hour before he went for a shower and got ready for the house show. He had to do a lot of interviews before then though. He was sitting in his locker room going over the match things for that night when Evan walked in looking miserable. John put the papers down and pulled Evan into his lap.

"what's wrong babe?" John asked "nothing…it's just I have been working my ass off and I haven't even been able to get any sort of push yet it's really frustrating" Evan said John sighed "baby I know you have been working real hard but sometimes you have to be patient I mean I was in the wwe for years before my gimmick and push came you just have to give it time I promise" John told him Evan grumbled and got off of John's lap.

"what would you know you're fuckin John Cena the face of the company you have no idea what I go through on a daily basis I mean god John don't tell me to be patient when you have everything you could ever want" Evan spat at him John was taken aback by Evan's attitude. "whatever Evan when you grow up come find me" John told him and walked away he found Adam and Randy in their own room and sat down huffing he was pissed off at his lovers attitude towards him.

"what's died and crawled up your ass John?" Adam asked "Evan" John said Randy smiled he didn't want John and Evan to be together anymore he didn't like the smaller man John was his and no one else's. "Why? What happened?" Adam asked "he's all pissed coz he isn't getting a push I tried to calm him down but he snapped at me so I left" John said "did you tell him to be patient?" Adam asked John nodded "of course I did he's just being a little brat right now" John said Randy smirked.

"well forget about him tonight come out with us have a few drinks and relax" Randy suggested John smiled "sure why not" John said Randy smiled Adam eyed his friend he knew Randy was up to something but he didn't know what. After his match John headed back to his locker room he was almost there when he looked down the hall to see Evan talking to Wade he didn't think anything of it until he saw them start to kiss. John was angry and upset how could he have not seen this sort of thing coming? He was so gullible. He had a quick shower and dressed in some jeans.

He was making his way to his car he sighed when he saw Evan standing next to it. "hey baby I'm sorry about snapping earlier" Evan said John nodded. "I don't care Evan move" he said opening the back seat and throwing his bag inside. "what s wrong?" Evan asked "oh I don't know maybe the factor that I saw my boyfriend making out with Wade Barrett" John snapped and drove off leaving Evan stranded. Evan sighed the kiss meant nothing Wade made him do it for a push he wanted something happening with his career and Wade promised him a title shot he had to do something he only hoped John wouldn't do anything stupid in the mean time.

John got to the club and started drinking heavily Evan kept calling him but he ignored the calls. "what's wrong?" Adam asked "Evan was kissing Wade tonight I saw him" John said "shit Jay I am so sorry" Adam said John shrugged "maybe I'm not meant to be happy you know? Maybe I am meant to be miserable for the rest of my life" John said Randy came up to him and dragged him to the dance floor. "don't think Codes would like you dancing with me Randy" John said even though he was liking being in Randy's arms again. "screw him" Randy said "no thanks I'll leave that up to you" John said Randy laughed.

"wanna have some fun tonight John?" Randy asked John knew what Randy meant by fun it would mean John on his back getting slammed into by Randy did he want that? Hell yes but he knew it was the wrong thing to do not only to Evan but to Cody as well. "no thanks Rand I'm gonna head back to the hotel and rest up before the flight tomorrow" John said Randy sighed he wanted John back but he knew the mind set of John right now and he didn't want to hurt him even more than he already has he loved the man more than anything in the world except for Alanna he just wanted them to be together again.

The next day John and Randy arrived in St. Louis and drove straight to Randy's house for lunch Sam wanted John to go over and John accepted at least he could spend some time with his god daughter. He still hadn't spoken to Evan and wasn't planning it he decided to work on his healing and forget about a relationship for now. They got to Randy's and got out as soon as they walked through the door Alanna came running at them and hugging them John smiled as he picked up his god daughter. "you been a good girl?" John asked "uh huh you gots me presents?" she asked John nodded and pulled out a Barbie doll for her she ran into the kitchen to show her mom.

They sat down for a lunch of grilled chicken and salad. "so how is Evan John?" Sam asked "we aren't together anymore it's fine I think I need to concentrate on me than have me worrying about a relationship" John said Sam smiled she knew all about John and Randy she wished they were back together so Randy would be more happier. "so Sammy how's the dance studio?" John asked "good I'm thinking of doing a class for the kids" she said John smiled "yeah that seems good you'd make a lot of cash off of that and the kids would have a great time" John said Randy nodded.

After eating Sam went and put Alanna down for a nap. John sat outside with Randy having a cigarette. "Randy do you ever miss me?" John asked "of course id o I always miss you I wish you were still with me John" Randy said John smiled "I miss you too you know it's just it was hard when you got married I was heart broken I always thought we could get married but I guess not" John said "I still love you John that will never change. And you'll never know how sorry I am about leaving you without a goodbye when I married Sam." Randy said John smiled.

"maybe when I'm better we could try things again I miss you more than anything but right now my recovery and therapy are the most important things in my life right now." John said Randy nodded "that's all I want Johnny is for you to get better I know I am the main reasons for most of what you do and I am sorry" Randy said John smiled "I know you're sorry and I forgive you. I could never be without you in my life Randy you always will be my best friend" John told him honestly.

"are you going to speak with Evan?" Randy asked "I don't know he was kissing someone else I don't know if I can forgive that if he was doing that in the hallway what else has he been doing in the private I don't think I can trust him anymore, you and Adam are the only people I can trust" John said Randy nodded. "want me to drive you home?" Randy asked "sure" John answered. Randy drove John home right before he was about to get out Randy pulled him back and kissed him passionately John felt so much love and a huge spark in that kiss he missed the viper so much it physically hurt. They pulled apart and they smiled at each other. "I love you John" Randy said John smiled "I love you too I'll see you for the appointment tomorrow ok?" John asked Randy nodded and kissed him again finally he was feeling happier just to have John in his life sort of how they were before was like a great weight had been lifted off of his chest.

**Please review… should John be with Randy?**


	9. Getting Back Together

**HARMING YOURSELF CHAPTER 9**

The next day John woke up and went for a run before having some breakfast, taking his pills and getting showered and dressed. Randy was picking him up soon so they could go to the therapy session together he was scared of what was going to come out of the session but he was happy that Randy was back in his life the way he wanted him to be since Randy and Sam had divorced. He grabbed his phone, wallet and keys and waited for Randy to arrive.

Evan had still been calling him over and over but he decided to ignore him he wasn't going to be a fool and get back with the high flyer. He was going to end things for good with him on Monday when he saw him for Raw. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Randy's hummer horn beep. He got up and walked outside locking the house as he left. He jumped into the car and buckled in as Randy reversed the car.

"so how was your night?" John asked "good Sam is dating another guy and I met him" Randy said John smiled "how did that go?" John asked "good I like him he is a school teacher and Alanna seems to trust him so I will as well what about you? How was your night?" Randy asked "ok I guess just ordered some take out and watched some tv" John told him Randy nodded. "thanks for coming with me Randy I know you don't want to" John said Randy sighed and took John's hand in his own. "John I wanna help you get better no matter what ok?" John nodded "still thanks" John said as they pulled into the parking lot where the offices were.

They got out of the car and walked inside John signed in and they were soon let through to wait in Sydney's office. "hi John how are you?" Sydney asked as she waked in with his file and sat down in her chair. "I'm good I had a god and a bad week this week" John said Sydney nodded and noticed Randy. "hi you must be Randy I'm Dr. Sydney Wells you must be Randy" she said Randy nodded and shook her hand.

"I'm glad you could come Randy John has told me a little about your relationship with him and I want to delve more into that if that's ok with you?" she asked Randy nodded "anything to help John" he said Sydney and John smiled. "now John I want you to tell Randy how you felt when you were first together" John nodded and turned to Randy. He took a deep breath. "when we first got together in a sexual way you knew everything about me that made me trust you more than I think I can ever trust anyone. At first I was a little scared of what being with you like that would mean for our friendship but you managed to squash all my doubts by a little smile or your smirk." John started.

"your smirk was one of the things that made me want you more and more everyday. You made me feel like nothing and no body could ever hurt me and I still feel that way when I am with you to this very day. You made me feel love for the first time and I loved you for it I still do" John said Randy smiled and squeezed his hand. "ok Randy how do you feel about what John just said?" Sydney asked. "well I am shocked I never knew you felt like that Jay. I mean I knew I meant a lot to you but what you just said made me think that you felt I was the best thing in the world. I love you for thinking of me like that bit I don't know if it's true" Randy said John sighed "Randy it is true I still feel like you're the only person who really and truly understands John Cena" John said Randy smiled and felt at ease.

Sydney sat there looking at them she saw John smiling and she knew Randy was a good person to be in John's life. "ok John now I need you to tell Randy how you felt when he left you to get married" John sighed this was going to be hard. "well when you first told me that you and Sam were getting married I felt betrayed like you did this on purpose to hurt me." John said Randy went to speak up "let him finish Randy he needs to get this out" Sydney said Randy nodded.

"after the feeling of betrayal I got angry I was so pissed off at you I felt like I wasn't good enough or that you would never change I thought I was the one you loved you had told me you loved me so I believed it. Then I went into depression blaming myself and wanting to end things for good." John stopped and looked at Sydney "tell him John" she urged John nodded "I wanted to kill myself I thought if I wasn't with you I shouldn't be around anymore I loved you more than anything and I felt responsible for why you left. I understand why you did it now and I love you for it even though it hurt" John admitted wiping his eyes.

"Randy how do you feel about what John has just said?" Sydney asked. "I feel horrible I feel like it's all my fault. I feel so guilty John I never thought of anything apart fro Sam and myself in this when we decided to get married I thought you wouldn't care I asked you to stay with me but you left and I understand why I hate that you feel like it was your fault baby it wasn't and will never be your fault" John smiled and hugged Randy. Sydney smiled at them. "great job guys now John how do you feel about Randy now?" John smiled "easy I love him" John answered making Randy smile "I love you too" John smiled and kissed him softly.

"John there is one thing you told me that Randy doesn't know and if you two want to get back together and start over I think it is necessary for you to tell him" John nodded. "you remember my dad and all the things he did to me and Stace right?" John asked Randy's eyes went icy he hated John's father. "well you know about the beatings and everything but there is one thing you don't know" John started Randy looked at him and held his hands offering John support.

"he raped me as well when he would get drunk and beat me he would rape me he never got to Stacey because I wouldn't let him I know I should have told you but it was something I was ashamed of no one knows about it except for you and the doc. I felt like I was to blame for him doing this like did I do something to make him want to or have to beat me and rape me?" John asked Randy looked at Sydney who nodded for him to answer him she wanted to hear and see what Randy would say.

"baby your dad is an asshole and you did nothing to deserve what he did to you there was and is nothing wrong with you you're a great man. A caring, sweet, funny helpful man that I am glad to have in my life. I am so sorry your dad did this to you and I want to help you through it if you'll let me I don't know what you went through or how you even got through it. But seeing you as the man you are today makes me think and know that you're the strongest man that I know and I love you for it" Randy said John smiled.

"ok we shall leave for there this week John next week we will be talking about your friendships with other people" John nodded "thankyou doc" John said she smiled she could see a change in John already. "oh go out have some fun even get laid" she said winking at Randy who smirked John blushed and walked out he made his next appointment and he and Randy left. "lets go to your house and talk ok?" Randy asked John nodded. They got there and sat in the lounge.

"John I want us to work I really do, but I need to know that you want it to that you want me in your life forever and that you want me to help you and that you'll come to me when you need me I need to know that you're committed to us" John smiled "of course I am Randy I love you and I want everything with you" John said "but there is something we need to discuss" John said Randy nodded "ok then lay it on me" John smiled "Cody I wont share you Randy I need to know that you wont be with him anymore" John said Randy smiled "it's been done I ended things with him last night after I dropped you off I talked to Sam about how I was feeling about you again and I ended things with Cody."

John was so happy him and Randy could be happy again. 'last night I came to the realisation that you're the guy I want for life when I imagine my life and I get to the end of my life it's you I see as my husband, lover father of my kids and best friend it has and will always be you John Felix Anthony Cena" John smiled "I feel the exact same way" John said Randy smiled and kissed John with all the passion he had inside of him. "lets go upstairs" John said Randy nodded.

They walked upstairs and stripped out of their clothes Randy pushed John onto his back John hadn't bottomed in a long, long while so he knew it was like being a virgin again. Randy lavished John's body with kisses. They kissed hungrily, sucking and probing and gasping in to each other's mouths. John's hands ran down Randy's back, sliding up feeling the soft skin covering inch after inch of tightly coiled muscle. He liked this, this solid weight over him and pressing him down in to the bed. Randy was like an anchor and he felt safe despite knowing that Randy was equal parts unpredictable and violent but the thought only excited him further. He broke the kiss first, looking up at Randy with lust glazed eyes.

He didn't say anything, just pressed his feet in to the bed and spread his legs wider. "You ready for my fingers inside you now, Johnny?" Randy whispered, suddenly both more serious and intense.

John nodded, closing his eyes, "Lube's in the drawer." Randy reached over, opening the drawer and lifting the small tube out. He sat back on his heels, uncapping the lube and coating two fingers generously. He absently stroked John's hip, waiting until he felt his body relax underneath him before slowly sliding one slick finger down the length of John's cock, over his balls and to his hole.

"Don't worry Johnny, I got you," he murmured, sliding and pressing one finger slowly inside him and John gasped, more from the knowledge that it was Randy's finger pressing inside him than anything else. Randy fingered him slowly for a moment before adding another, stretching John slowly. "You still okay?"

John nodded, "Yeah, feels weird but ain't too bad. Can you, y'know..." He trailed off, opening his eyes and looking at Randy.

Randy did know and he slid his fingers in further, seeking out John's prostate. "Curl your fingers Randy, just there." Randy followed John's instructions and curled both fingers inside him, finding the small nub of nerves and feeling John's whole body tense underneath him. "Fuck!" John gasped, suddenly pushing down, "Yeah, just there, god..."

Randy grinned, releasing a long breath that he hadn't realised he was holding. He started to move his hand quicker, watching in awe as John's cock jumped and he cried out wantonly every time Randy's fingers pressed against his prostate. "You mean, just there?" Randy grinned, beginning to massage John's prostate with his fingertips, enjoying the way John was writhing beneath him. "Oh god, yeah," John pushed down again, rolling his hips down to meet Randy's thrusts, "fuck..."

Randy leaned down over him, nuzzling John's exposed neck as his head was thrown back, "How does it feel, Johnny? As good as you remember?" Randy asked. "Fucking amazing," he shuddered, "think you could make me come just doing that, uh, need more." John moaned. "How'd you think it'll feel when it's not my fingers but my cock instead, smashing against it?" John groaned, deep in his throat, Randy's words going straight to his cock, "You gotta do it, need to fucking feel that. Now, come on, now."

"Slow down there, baby you're not ready for my cock yet," he licked a long, slow line up the column of John's throat to his ear, "my cock is a lot bigger than two fingers, you know that." Randy moaned at his own words, John's body bucking down on to his fingers was driving him insane and his cock was throbbing painfully in his jeans. He wanted nothing more than to just bury himself in John's ass, ball deep and fuck, let it hurt. Easing his fingers back, he muffled John's huff of disappointment with a bruising kiss and slicked up a third finger, sliding in quick and deep in to John's ass. John broke the kiss with a pained gasp, "Uh, now that hurts..."

Randy kissed the lines on John's forehead, searching quickly for his prostate and stroking over it as he stretched him wider, "I know Johnny," he murmured, "but it's gonna be so good, just wait, nearly ready." He kept pushing, scissoring his fingers and sat back on his heels again to watch his fingers being swallowed by John's ass. "Damn Johnny, you're so tight, can't even imagine how I'm gonna get my cock inside you."

"Please Randy," John reached down, staring at Randy and stilling his hand, "I'm ready, fuck me, please." There was something about the way John was looking at him, the way he was quietly begging that made Randy realise that he just couldn't say no, he didn't know if he'd ever be able to deny this man beneath him anything. He pulled back, climbing off the bed to stand beside it as he started to remove his clothes his eyes flitting between John's face and John's hand that was suddenly wrapped around his cock and stroking slowly.

Randy unzipped his jeans and pushed them down his thighs along with his boxers, he kicked them off and grabbed his cock, loving the way John's eyes widened as he stroked himself, "Now you're sure?" He ran his slick hand painfully slowly inch by inch along his cock. John swallowed hard, "Want it Randy, want it so bad, you gotta give it to me."

Randy moved back to the bed, climbing on to it on his knees and John instantly spread his legs. Randy shook his head, "On your knees John, it'll be easier." John pushed himself up to his knees and grabbed the lube, he flipped open the top and squeezed some in to his palm before wrapping his hand around Randy's cock and stroking. Randy instantly bucked in to the touch. "Okay John, enough, now. It's got to be now," Randy gasped.

Randy grabbed John's hips in his hands and helped him to turn around, John happily lowered his body, bending over in front of Randy and spreading his legs as he stuck his ass in the air. Randy was on him in a second, one hand holding on to John's hip and the other wrapped around his cock, guiding it to John's entrance. "You nervous, Johnny?" Randy tilted his hips forward, sliding the head of his cock against John's hole. John whimpered, his back tensing, nerves getting the better of him, "Yeah, Randy?"

"Yeah? You need to stop? We don't have to do this." Despite his previous protestations that he wouldn't be taking no for an answer, he knew he would never take anything John wasn't willing to give. "Just be gentle," he gave a little thrust of his hips backwards, pressing his ass against Randy's cock. "You know I will," Randy murmured, pushing forward and gasping quickly as he felt the head of his cock breach the tight ring of muscle. "Oh," he sighed, "fuck..." John tensed, baring down tight around Randy's cock, "God, fuck, hurts..." Randy froze only a couple of inches inside John, "Want me to stop?"

John shook his head, "Uh uh, but fuck, I don't remember it hurting this much does it always hurt this much?" Randy sighed, stroking his hands up John's back to his shoulders and back down again to his hips, "Yeah, but it gets better, so much better." John winced, his head hanging down between his arms, "Do it quick then, all the way, need to get to the good stuff, Randy, I can't take it like this." Randy slid forward, pushing hard against the resistance with a deep groan as he was sheathed to the hilt in John's ass. He shuddered forward, his weight falling against John's back with the oh dear god feeling of John's ass around him.

John's mouth fell open in a silent yell, dropping from his hands to his elbows and burying his head in the pillows. "Randy, Randy, hurts, hurts so fucking much, you're so fucking deep, I can feel you all the way inside me," John was mumbling, panting hotly in to the pillows and trying to will himself not to crawl up the headboard and away from the pain. "Tell me how it feels, distract me until it feels good."

"It's good Johnny, so good," Randy breathed, hot and heavy in to John's ear as he started to move his hips, rolling forward and backwards in to John's heat. "You're so good, I've never felt anything like this before, so hot and tight and, oh shit..." Randy groaned, leaning back and tilting his hips. It took a few experimental thrusts before John jerked and groaned and slammed his ass back against him, almost knocking Randy backwards. "Oh fuck, yeah, that's it," John pushed his hips back again, desperately rutting against Randy's body and Randy found it difficult to hold on.

Randy moaned with every thrust but couldn't find a rhythm with John's erratic bucking against him and he finally stilled, locking his hips and holding on to John's, "Fuck, Johnny..." John cried out, rocking his whole body backwards on to Randy's cock, the pain still lingering around the edges but the feeling of Randy's cock slamming in to his prostate was rapidly driving him to distraction. "Oh god, oh fuck, oh yeah, Randy, god, that's it, yeah..."

Randy growled, transfixed by the sight of John's muscles tensing and flexing under his skin, "Damn John," Randy moaned "Fuck Randy," he slammed his hips back again, rocking on his knees and setting a blisteringly fast pace, "you know how good this is, I can feel you, so fucking thick and hard, oh..."

Randy couldn't keep it together, watching John come undone at the seams was tearing him up and apart and sending him flying. The vice like grip John had on his cock was making his skin itch and the furious heat was already building and taking over him. He never expected that John would be this tight and this wanton, John Cena, the slut was driving him crazy with lust. John was shuddering beneath him, back arching and head thrown back while animalistic groans were torn from his throat.

"You're gonna fucking come, aren't you? Yeah? You fucking love this," he growled, curling his toes in the bed sheets and helping John rock back on to him. "Mm, Randy, oh fucking hell, son of a bitch, you fucking fuck me good" John was crying out, flailing and slamming one fist on to the bed, clawing the sheets and balling them up in his fist, his mouth falling open with every thrust.

"Dirty, fucking, god John," Randy groaned between clenches of John's ass around him, caught halfway between laughing at the tirade falling from the usually clean cut John Cena and crying at the feeling that was pulsing through his veins. "You're gonna be the one coming and begging me, ain't you? Gonna make me cum" John cried out, falling to his elbows on the bed again, "That's what I want," he stilled his hips, ass butted up against Randy's hips, "come on Orton, fuck me til we both come."

Randy lost it at that, growling and digging his fingers so hard in to John's hips, he knew he'd leave bruises but he didn't care, at that moment, he wanted nothing more than to own every single atom of the man beneath him, "You're gonna regret that in the morning when you can't walk, but you know what?" He didn't move, waiting for John to answer him. "What?" John gasped, driven to desperation.

"I don't," he pulled back painstakingly slowly, "fucking care," he drove forward, shunting John up the bed with the force of his thrust and making the headboard slam the wall, "I am going to fucking own you." He repeated the motion, speeding up until he couldn't hold back anymore and really lost control.

All words were forgotten as the two grunted and groaned, clutching and clawing towards their release, needing it almost as much as they needed to drag the moment out. The release won as without warning, John suddenly tensed, back arching wildly and thighs shaking as his orgasm was ripped from him.

"Oh, oh, uh fucking god, Randy...!" His arms collapsed beneath him completely as he slumped forwards, shooting all over the bed sheets without Randy even touching his cock. That realisation wasn't lost on Randy and the thought shoved him over the edge right behind John, "John – Johnny, oh Jesus, motherfucker," he gasped, the rest lost in a jumble of words and promises as he emptied himself inside John's willing body.

When the shuddering finally started to subside, John sighed and Randy remembered to loosen his grip on John's hips, stroking over the red spots as he finally, reluctantly pulled out and turned to fall down on to the bed next to John. It took John a moment to uncurl and he ended up sliding his knees out from under himself to lay flat on his stomach, not caring about the come he was smearing in to his belly. "I love you Johnny" Randy spoke in John's ear. He heard John mumble because of the sheets. "what was that?" Randy asked chuckling John turned to face Randy. "I love you too" John said smiling Randy kissed him once more before falling asleep both men happy they were back together the way they wanted to be.

Please review…


	10. The Next Day

**HARMING YOURSELF CHAPTER 10**

John woke up the next morning and opened his eyes to see Randy staring at him he blushed lightly. "you still do that?" John asked "still do what?" Randy asked "watch people sleep" John said Randy chuckled "no only you I love watching you sleep you seem so peaceful and relaxed" Randy told him John yawned "probably because I am…..do we have to fly out today for Raw?" John asked Randy nodded and kissed John's scar on his neck. "yep" Randy answered John groaned.

"I better go shower then" John said "I'll come it will save on water" Randy said John shrugged and walked into the bathroom he dragged Randy with him getting the water just right before slipping in relaxing as soon as the hot water hit his back. "does the water hurt on them?" Randy asked rubbing his thumb over John's cut marks. "no only when it's first there everything hurts" John said Randy nodded "I hope I can help you stop that" Randy said John smiled "me too" John told him. They washed and dressed and packed their things John was still getting calls from Evan and ignoring them.

"you know you're gonna have to speak to him when you see him" Randy told him in the car on the way to go to Sam's to say goodbye to Alanna. "why?" John asked "Jay he deserves an explanation" John sighed "what do I tell him?" John asked "just tell him that you cant trust him anymore and that you need someone you can trust in your life right now. Tell him you're sorry for wasting his time and then tell him that you're with me" John nodded "so I have to tell him we're together?" John asked "yes why?" Randy asked "I don't wanna hurt him and it might seem like I am rubbing it in his face" John said Randy shrugged.

"he's gonna find out Jay sooner or later he probably already knows since Cody knows it's better coming from you then from someone else" Randy said John nodded "I'll speak to him at the arena" John said Randy smiled and kissed the back of John's hand. They got to Sam's and walked in. Sam smiled when he saw them together she was extremely happy she knew John was the only person who could make Randy happy. They sat down for breakfast as a family.

After breakfast John and Randy headed to the airport with their things they checked in for their flight. John headed over to star bucks to get a coffee for him and Randy when he turned around he saw Evan walking his way he sighed he didn't want to have this conversation here in a packed airport. "can we…can we talk?" Evan asked "yeah uh just give me a second ok?" Evan nodded and sat down John walked back over to Randy and handed him his coffee.

"where are you goin?" Randy asked "Evan wants to talk come get me before the flight?" Randy nodded. John walked back over to Evan and sat down. "so what's up?" John asked "can I explain about the other day?" John nodded "sure" he said "Wade told me that if I wanted to get a push for a title or anything I had to be with him" John growled "did you sleep with him?" John asked Evan nodded "I have been for 2 weeks" Evan said John laughed. "whatever Evan we're done anyway I should never have trusted you there's only 2 guys in this business I trust" John said drinking his coffee.

"Adam and Randy?" Evan asked John nodded "speaking of Randy I think I should tell you that me and him are back together" John said "what do you mean back together?" Evan asked "I mean we're together again we were together before I even met you" John said "so he's the reason you were cutting?" Evan asked "yeah but he is helping me now we had a good session with the therapist the other day and I am happy" John said Evan nodded "well I hope he treats you right I just want you happy John that's all" John nodded they hugged and John made his way back over to sit with Randy.

"how did it go?" Randy asked "good I guess he was sleeping with Wade" John said Randy growled "he cheated on you?" John shrugged "we weren't official Randy" John said "but you're still hurting from it aren't you?" Randy asked holding John's hand "yeah I just feel am I not good enough for anybody?" John asked "baby come here lets go outside for a sec" John nodded they walked outside and sat down away from prying eyes.

"John you're more than good enough for someone I fucked up I admit that and Evan I don't know why he did what he did but don't you dare think you're not good enough because you are fuck Jay sometimes I think that you're too good for me I mean I am an asshole and inconsiderate, selfish, angry jealous man but you still love me and I cant believe it. John I want you with me forever so don't think you aren't good enough because I promise you that you are" Randy told him John smiled. "I love you Mr. chain gang" Randy said John smiled "and I love you legend killer" John spoke they leaned forward and brushed lips softly.

A second later their flight was called they boarded the plane and sat down they were right next to each other John pulled out his I pod and turned it on as the plane took off. John fell asleep but woke up needing the bathroom. He got up and went to the bathroom not seeing Randy follow him it was always one of Randy's fantasies to join the mile high club and now he and John were going to do just that. He walked into the room and locked the door the whole plane was sleeping so he knew they wouldn't be disturbed.

John spun around when he heard the door lock. "baby what are you doing?" John asked "we're gonna join the mile high club baby" Randy purred as he slammed his lips against John's. John decided to be dominant he ripped Randy's shirt off of him and then rid himself of his own. The feeling of lips against the back of his neck, nipping at his skin immediately made Randy melt under the touch he had grown to crave within a few hours. He wanted more of it, needed more of it.

He suddenly found himself pushed up against the sink, which was very close to the wall. Randy was against the wall, John between his legs making the younger man whimper and whine like a bitch, for lack of better words."John," he whined, feeling that his cock was going to explode from all the continuous nipping, sucking, licking, hell anything."Beg for it,"

A chill ran down Randy's spine at the deep purr that took to John's voice, enough to cause him to groan out."Please Johnny," he pouted, knowing the pout got to everyone, hell even Dave Batista and Triple H were known to give the kid anything, -no not sex - while in Evolution for the pout. Scary power The Pout held."Hmph, I've seen the pout Randal…" John traced his tongue over the single part of his tattoo that wrapped around his neck, "…gotta try something else,"

Moaning loudly, Randy fussed a bit, before finally giving in, and became the bottom completely."Please Johnny, anything, suck my cock, 69, anything, just fuck me," He seemed to cry out, his voice strained as John wrapped his rather large hand around Randy's pulsating cock, and squeezing. As soon as he did that, Randy's hips surged out towards the touch, and away from the sink, a pitiful whimper passing his oh so kissable lips.

John's lips curled into a smirk, his eyes taking a dark shade of blue, all the while, his hand continuing to rub at Randy's need through his sweats."Oh fuck it," the older man fumed pushing Randy, so his ass was up in the air, so inviting to his cock straining against his clothing, needing release. Utilizing speed that Flash would be envious of, John gripped the waist band of the younger man's sweats and boxers, pulling them down to pool around his ankles, before reaching for the lube that was placed on the counter (Randy had brought it in with him) in plain sight.

"John," Randy whined, wriggling his hips back and forth, unbeknownst to him, that John had stripped himself of his remaining clothing. He licked his lips, a la LL Cool J style, while uncapping the bottle of KY and spreading some over his index and middle finger and sliding it against Randy's opening before pushing in with one smooth stroke."Fuck," the younger man moaned out long and low. John gave a sexy smirk as he moved his fingers around, searching…searching…searching, until…

"Oh God John!" Randy choked out, moving his head down to bury it in his forearms, pushing back against the stroking fingers in him, like a hooker in heat, as his prostate was rubbed at. He continued his job of finger-fucking him, scissoring him in order to stretch him out to finally get rid of his own raging hard-on. Pulling his fingers out, and losing himself to his libido once again, John quickly lubed up his aching cock, gripped Randy's hips and drove into him, causing both to moan out.

"Fuck," John hissed out, stroking hard and long, "who would'a thought you'd still be so damn tight?" Ignoring the comment, Randy gripped at the counter, pushing back against the thrusts, enjoying the feeling of John's huge cock, and the thoughts from last night, a mere speck in his mind. Pulling out, leaving just the head of his engorged erection in Randy, he drove in harder, the result of Randy's legs buckling under the force.

Moaning, Randy brought his hand back, and began stroking himself, trying to reach his high, only was stopped by John's hand over his, slowing him down."John" He whined again, Smirking, the older man snapped his hips forcefully, brining Randy over the edge. He released a loud throaty moan, as he came vehemently, cum covering both his hand and John's. Moaning loudly as well, John came hard, filling Randy to the brim.

John pulled out of Randy and cleaned up a little they both got dressed kissed once more before making their way back to their seats no one the wiser that they had just joined the mile high club. Randy grinned at John who laughed at his boyfriend.

**Please review…. Any ideas feel free to tell me**


	11. The Wedding, The End

**HARMING YOURSLEF CHAPTER 11**

**A year later **John and Randy were still together, Evan and Cody had gotten together and John was fully healed he had even been allowed to be taken off of his pills which he was extremely happy about. He was still seeing his therapist because he didn't want to relapse every few weeks Randy would go in with him to talk about issues they were having in their relationship. John had been doing good he hadn't cut himself in over a year and was proud. He knew it was because he had Randy back in his life.

Today was a very special day John was sitting in his hotel room looking out onto the Missouri landscapes. He relaxed and remembered one of the best days in his life which happened four months ago.

**Flash back. **

_John and Randy had just put on a great show for Monday night Raw. They showered and dressed ready to head back to the hotel for a relaxing night in. Randy had a surprise planned for John they were going to an evening on the green since John and his favourite bands were playing rev theory he was excited to surprise John with it. They got in the car and headed to the evening on the green location. "where are we goin the hotel is the other way" John said Randy smiled "it's a surprise baby just sit back and relax" John nodded. _

_They got there and Randy pulled John along with him John saw a whole lot of people sitting around on the grass Randy dragged them and sat down on a nice blanket it looked like they were having a picnic. "Randy what's going on?" John asked Randy smirked "your surprise guess who we're seeing play tonight?" Randy asked John shrugged "who?" John asked "rev theory" Randy said John was happy and shocked he smiled and jumped onto Randy sending him lying backwards as he kissed all over Randy's face. _

"_thankyou thankyou I have been wanting to see them live forever" John said Randy nodded "I know baby that's why I set this up" John smiled and kissed Randy again. Half way through the show there was an intermission Randy sat on his knees facing John he knew this was the perfect time for this to happen. "baby I have something to ask you but just let me talk before you say anything ok?" John nodded and smiled. _

"_ok I know we haven't had the best relationship in the past. I screwed you around for years. I am so sorry for everything that I have done to you. I love you more than words can explain. You understand me better than anyone you know I can be an asshole, manipulative, jealous and completely rude but you accept me for me and I love you for it."_

"_I love you Jay and I don't wanna spend my life without you in it again I mean it you're my everything so what I'm trying to ask you is if you John Felix Anthony Cena will marry me?" Randy asked. John sat there with tears in his eyes "yes" he whispered Randy smiled "yes?" he asked John nodded "yes yes yes yes yes!" John shouted Randy grinned and put the white gold ring onto John sealing their future together. _

**End of flashback**

John snapped out of the memory when he saw Adam walk into the room he was going to be John's best man he had helped John through a lot of things and was happy to see John and Randy happy together. "you ready man?" Adam asked John nodded "I think so I am so nervous but I am really excited at the same time I just cant wait to be married to him" John said Adam smiled "well we better get you dressed then huh?" John nodded.

John had a quick shower and got himself ready he shaved and did all of his facial things. He put some underwear on and walked into the main room his sister was there this time with Adam he put his pants and shirt on and let Stacy do his tie and cumber bun he put on some aftershave and then went to work on his shoes. He was starting to get really nervous now and he was sweating and breathing heavily.

"relax John he loves you and you love him this is what is meant to happen" Stacy said John smiled. "I'm so glad you're here Stace it means a lot to me that you'd come I know you were busy" John said Stacy smiled "hey you're my big bro I would have done anything for you after all you saved me from a lot growing up I kinda owed it to you" John smiled and hugged her. "you ready now?" she asked John nodded and smiled at his sister. "lets get you married then" John nodded.

They walked down to the hall where the ceremony would take place. The place was filled with guests and the décor was breathtaking they had Lilies all around and the colour scheme was black and red it looked spectacular. John headed down the aisle to wait for Randy to show up. Ten minutes later Randy was standing opposite him holding his hands.

"we are here to Join John Felix Anthony Cena and Randal Keith Orton in marriage. If anyone has a reason why these two should not be married speak now or forever hold your piece" the minister said the place was silent John was glad. "marriage is not something to step into lightly these two men will be sharing their lives with one another and Both men are to speak after me John you can go first. The celebrate said. John nodded.

"I John affirm my love to you, Randy as I invite you to share my life. You are the most beautiful, smart, and generous person I have ever known, and I promise always to respect you. With kindness, unselfishness and trust, I will work by your side to create a wonderful life together. I take you Randy to be my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health for as long as we both shall live." John spoke Randy smiled.

"Randy has chosen different vows to speak" the celebrant said Randy smiled at John.

"John, I love you. You are my best friend. Today I give myself to you in marriage. I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you, and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle. I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple, and when it is an effort. I promise to cherish you, and to always hold you in highest regard. These things I give to you today, and all the days of our life." Randy said John had tears in his eyes as Randy spoke.

"ok then do you John take Randy to be your wedded husband?" the minister asked John smiled "I do" John spoke Randy grinned "and do you Randal take John to be your wedded husband?" he asked Randy nodded "I do" he said "in the power vested in me by the state of Missouri (I know you cant have a gay marriage there but fore my story you can) I now pronounce you husband and husband you may now kiss" the minister said John pulled Randy into him and they kissed softly for a few seconds before pulling away and smiling.

They hugged and left for the reception. which was in the ball room and they were serving it as a buffet not wanting a stuffy wedding reception. They got there and sat down with some food. They ate and mingled before Randy pulled John aside. "you ready for our first dance?" Randy asked John nodded "yeah lets do this" he said and Randy dragged him to the floor where they started dancing to 'Always' by Bon Jovi. "I cant believe we are married it feels so unreal" John said Randy nodded "well you better believe it coz you're stuck with me for life Mr Cena-Orton" John smiled "wouldn't want it any other way baby." he said before kissing his husband.

They danced for most of the night they said goodbye and headed upstairs to finish the night off together in the honeymoon suite.

When Randy opened the door John was shocked there was rose petals every where with candles lighting up the room John smiled and crashed his lips onto Randy's. "I love you Mr. Cena-Orton." John said Randy smiled "I love you too it was perfect." John smiled and went back to kissing his husband. Husband wow it felt so good to know that he would be with Randy for life.

John kissed Randy sneaking his tongue into Randy's mouth wanting to taste his husband for all he had husband he was actually married to Randy and be together forever how crazy is that? John pulled away from the kiss and sucked on Randy's neck biting at it Randy was busy undoing John's shirt he finally got all the buttons undone and pulled the shirt over John's shoulders. Randy then took his shirt off also. Both men went back to kissing and tasting each other they landed on the bed with John underneath Randy. Randy went to work on John's chest kissing and biting and sucking eagerly on each nipple until they were hard nubs. "Oh…god" John moaned. Randy moved down lower and started licking around John's navel and kissing finally he slipped his tongue into John's navel and started tongue fucking it. Randy moved down and kissed and licked at John's hips. Randy finally got to John's pants and undid them and ripped them away from his husband's body along with John's underwear John moaned as the cool air hit his hard cock.

Randy got up from John and took care of his clothes stripping down until he was naked. He climbed back on top of John grinding their cock's together making each other moan in pleasure. John was thrashing his head around and Randy took his opportunity to bite down on John's neck. "Rand….please baby…" John moaned Randy smirked. "What...what do you want Johnny?" Randy asked while licking around John's ear Randy knew that was the spot to turn John into goo. "Fuck I want you now" John breathed out still moaning as they were grinding there members together. Randy did what was asked and went lower on John's body and started stroking John every now and then running his fingers over the tip. "Shit…Rand if you don't stop this will be over before it even starts." John hissed at his lover Randy smirked.

Randy leaned over to the bed side table and retrieved a bottle of strawberry lube he squirted some on his fingers. He threw John's legs over his shoulders for better access and started probing at John's hole. John hissed as Randy entered a finger into him it was always a little painful. "Shhh baby relax." Randy soothed soon John began to relax. Randy pulled his finger out and went back in with two. Slowly starting to stretch John he began curling his fingers searching for that spot. "Oooohhhhh shit yeah right there fuuuuuck." John moaned as Randy hit his prostate with his finger. John started thrusting onto Randy's fingers trying to get them deeper but it wasn't working. "Randy NOW!" John demanded.

Randy laughed a little and pulled his fingers out of John and poured some lube onto his aching cock he slicked himself up and drove home right into John's awaiting hole. "Holy shiiiiiit" John cried out. "Shit J you alright?" Randy asked concerned John just nodded his head "move...Please move I want you deeper." John moaned as he met Randy thrust for thrust. Randy changed his angle and as soon as he did he hit John's prostate dead on making John thrash around beneath him. "Harder….fuck me harder Ortz." John said "fuck John so fucking tight baby."

Randy moaned back John took hold of himself and began stroking himself in time with Randy's thrusts he was getting close. Looking up he smiled when he saw Randy in a pleasured state he leaned up and grabbed Randy by the back of his neck and pulled him down for a passionate kiss Randy moaned into the kiss. "Fuck gonna come J soon…so…..so close." Randy moaned against John's lips. John just nodded; Randy sped up his thrust and soon was crying out John's name as he came. John was still stroking himself. "Come for me J let me see you come." Randy whispered in John's ear. "Fuuuuuuck Randy!." John screamed as he came all over himself.

Randy collapsed next to John on the bed they both cleaned up and laid on the bed as close as possible to each other Randy's head was on John's shoulder hearing John's heartbeat. "I love you" Randy whispered John smiled "I love you too" John said and they fell asleep. They had been through a lot in the last few years they had gone through a lot they were finally happy and John was through with harming himself.

THE END


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